Monday, February 19 DAY 2 CNY>Today went visiting to 3 places... first was my ah ma's place (from my father's side). She lives with a cousin of mine who has a condo in bukit timah ... We went there around 12. The food was really very good... Its really authenthic cantonese food which i quite like (though its pretty unhealthy). I had quite a few servings of food after which i felt very tired. Then my aunt asked me to take a rest in her room. So i slept for a short while. After a 20 minute nap, I felt hungry again and had another serving of food. I think today i am like a pig just eating and sleeping...
After that we went to "The HidingPlace" to visit an uncle of mine who has cancer. Hiding place is a christian drug rehab centre for ex convicts and delinquents... My uncle owns the place so we went to visit him...
Lastly, we went to another aunty's house. I didn't eat anything as i was much too full at that time... I just plopped myself in front of the tv and watched a show called "War of the worlds" about alien invasion... its quite an exciting show.
So reached home at around 11.30pm... I better get some sleep as tomorrow i am having morning shift. # posted by Jolyn |
11:52 PM
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VISITING>These 2 days have been very happy. Have the feeling I am back to schooling days... I can have holidays when other ppl are having holidays and meet up with them... Though its something small to others but i am really very happy.
Last night went visiting to my aunts house and had great food and good company. I think thats the only thing that can describe the visiting sessions...
Sunday, February 18 BLESSING IN DISGUISE>Last night was really praying, well actually not really praying. I just prayed that God... ur will be done. If u want me to work today i will work. if u want me to get an off I will go to church... However up to this morning when i woke up still no one called me saying i can take leave today... Only until i WENT TO WORK I realised there was only 3 staff so it was quite impossible that they would ask me to go home. However the whole central only got 7 or 8 patients since alot of them dun want to stay for cny. When my colleague came, she asked me whether I want to go home... I was so happy and after talking to the indian sister she allowed me to go home to celebrate cny. I even gave my sister a great big hug. On the way home I felt as if I was floating on the clouds... I just felt ecstatic!
After coming back home i changed and set of for church... I decided to ride my bike to church since i was really lazy to wait for a bus again... Riding a bicycle is harder than i thought. Or rather I can say my stamina has deproved alot... I pant and pant everytime I am riding up slope. A few times I had to get off my bike and push my bike when i felt tired... Anyways by the time i reached church my hair was like a rag doll and i was sweating like a pig...
I really miss going to church. really miss worship and listening to god's message. Todays message was really meaningful. Its about spreading god's love to family and relatives which is really good for this festive season. No matter what their must be a spirit of gentleness and respect if we want to be a living testimony to others. You dun have to force or insult other religions cause everyone has their own principle but u can start by saying an encouraging word or showing ur concern or praying for someone when they really need it. Even if they are non christian everybody likes to be prayed for . Cause as human beings sometimes we cannot handle stuff ourselves so sometimes we want to beleive their is someone in control. But i strongly believe in the subtle approach.
After service met up with pei lee and we sat and talked for a while... its been a while since i have last seen her. We both have gone thru tough times but we are still able to talk about anything. I told her recently been very down but now i came out of my down period... Cause i prayed to god to give me strength for each new day. Although I am not perfect but i am trying my best.
Recently also been thinking about something. People used to ask me what sort of guy i would like , or what sort of husband i would like to have etc... Its a very common question but i used to think that if i loved someone even if he is a non christian i would not mind. But recently it sort of has been forming in me what i really want... When i am down he will cheer me up, when i feel tired i can lean on him (like a tree), and we will pray together whenever we feel we need to pray. When i stray away he will knock my head and pull me back to god. Cause i realise last time when i strayed away from god i just focused on myself as the centre of the world... and i became so narrow minded... But i want to change. Learning to love myself and others around me...Dunno also whether got such a person for me but i am also not very anxious for one for the time.... but its just two cents of my thoughts.
And I will continue being the happy me... and go on with my life as everyday! Happy Chinese New YeaR to everyone!!!
Saturday, February 17 >Happy chinese new year to me and everyone around... This year i will be spending my new year morning in the hospital slogging and working... hehe... Unless of course they call me up saying they dun need my services that day in which there is a 50 50 chance since there are not much patients during new year.I really hope that do that... Irritated with the person who planned this roster... # posted by Jolyn |
11:31 PM
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Tuesday, February 13 >Its a lazy tuesday afternoon and i am suppose to be spring cleaning but just decided to slack a bit before i continue... I have already packed and swept the floor of my room... It looks much better. Before it looks like a pig sty. And changed the bed sheets for all the beds in my house.
New year is coming again and i feel sort of unprepared for it... In the sense i have not donw much buying of new clothes... Only looking forward to more good food and getting red packets... hehe...
I was reading the Daily Bread today and would like to share with u all
Raised In Glory
Years ago, I heard a story about a man looking for flowers for spring planting. At the green house he came upon a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. To his surprise it was hidden in a corner and growing in an old dented rusted bucket.
"If this were my flower," he said to himself, "I would place it in a beautiful pot and display it proudly! Why is it confined in this old bucket and hidden in a concealed place?
When he remarked to the owner about the flower, she explained, "I started the plant in that old bucket until it blossomed. But its just for a short time. Soon I will transplant it to my garden."
The man laughed and imagines such a scene in heaven. "There's a beautiful one," God will say, " The product of my loving, kindness and grace. Now its confined in a broken body and obscurity, but soon in my garden, how tall and lovely this soul will stand!"
So we may now be "planted" in battered and bent containers for a short time while our lord beautifies our soul. Then he will display his handiwork and our loveliness for all to see.
So whether u or me is going thru a rough patch, its only for the time being... its only a process of letting us mature.
Friday, February 9 GIVE ME OIL IN MY LAMP>Been stuck in the pits of depression for quite a while already, and its starting to tire me out... Today was depressed the whole day... I kept on feeling like sleeping and wasting my time away... Then in the evening went out. My aunty who opens a facial shop wanted to do facial on me so I just went for fun... But it sure was painful. She said my skin condition is not too good so must go more regularly (i think she also wants to earn more money). But i think will try to go facial from now on... I also want to be more pretty... Haha!!!
But i feel its tiring to feel depressed all the time... Life seems so boring when u are depressed... Been thinking, talking to alot of my friends.... I am certainly blessed to have many friends and family to give me support...
I told my mom , recently i been in a very bad mood cause i seem to have lost motivation to work or in anything... She told me maybe its because i have drifted further away from god so i am going thru a spiritual low... She said she thinks i need to find back my aim in life...just like she found back her aim in life after so many years of being a housewife, now she is happily working and she is enjoying it...
Other people i want to thank is teo and jolene. I think they are the ppl who gave me the most encouragement during this time... Teo for being with me thru every step of the way. Jolene for telling me that if u can't change a situation, change urself. I am after all still someone trying to grow up...
There are other ppl I want to thank especially pertaining to my colleagues is Guan Yi and shirley. Cause we are all from the same batch. At least i am not alone struggling... Jacqueline (SGH) and Long ti - although i got pass rubbish reports to them, they are still so kind to me..., Mylene: she is ever so ready to help me w/o asking anything in return, Narin - for telling me my mistakes (though dun like her tone but i guess i do like her), Ah Buay- for being my kind teacher though sometimes she can be really sarcastic, Sister stella - for flipping thru my changes and helping me do some changes that day when i was struggling with 12 patients, sister hone - for buying me lunch sometimes when i am too busy to go for break , wan ru - for helping me and shirley serve meds when we are both struggling, EN sumarni - for teaching me its important to relax and enjoy ur work and not rush thru ur work... eventually all will be ok if u are calm. And thank our House officer for taking my bloods and being so good natured though recently been a bit mood swing (though I dun suppose he will read this ... haha). There are many other ppl i would like to thank... maybe i might go to them personally to thank .
But overall the most impt thing i learnt and i must remember is that i must thank GOD. I have neglected him all this time... putting him at the corner of my heart. Thats why i felt something missing from my life all this while. I pray to have renewed strength for each new day and for him to take charge of my life... i am like a lamp without oil... so i need oil to keep me burning.
DEPRESSED>Recently have been pretty sad... Sad about life, sad about my work... I guess I am pretty depressed... When I am sad also cannot work properly... and in the end i become even sadder... Feel like all hope in life is lost.Feel like crying. Feel that once i cry everything will be better. But i cant cry . Cause i never had the habit of crying . Last time i used to cry alot. and my father slapped me once, said i am such a weakling.... cause he believes that u should not cry even if u are, even when his brother died he did not cry. And he was a rather tough man i suppose so he wanted me to be tough too... But now i feel i really need to cry, or else i will feel this uncomfortable feeling like i am suppressing to many things inside.
Yesterday was rather disorinetated... until this en that was deployed to my side that was deployed over told me to calm down then i can really enjoy working. Actually i find what she says is true... when u are stressed u cant seem to finish all ur work but when u are calm u seem to be able to deal with problems better. Even though there is piling work load u can deal with it slowly and eventually finish all in time... But i feel i am a person too controlled by my emotions which is not too good... When i feel stressed i really cannot think about anything at all... My whole mind suddenly turns black. i really want to find back that feeling of enjoying work again.
Yesterday after work me and shirley went to far east. She brought me there to dye my hair and get a hair cut. Though i feel its not to obvious but its still a change... haha... after that we ate korean food . I ate the mixed riced in the stone hot pot. Its pretty nice... Shirley at the spicy beef kimchi soup. After that accompanied shirley to get mc for the next day cause she got fever and flu... went back home and was chatting with my father. Chatted until i feel asleep on the couch... haha...I guess thats how tired i am ... haha
Friday, February 2 HOPE>Sometimes I feel, did i pick up more than i can bear... i feel so exhausted nowadays... just going one day at a TIME, trying to fugure out something about this life of mine. Its ok if i put in effortand still dun do perfectly well... but its not really ok when u put in ur best (but there is always room for improvement)and ppl still say u are doing a lousy job... It hurts man... Sick ppl need sympathy.. sometimes i need it too... Its feels so tiring to always be so understanding to those around me. Everyone around me needs care and concern... everyone wants tender lving care. Everyone except me... I could just work myself to death and no on really bothers... well, i guess they do. They dun want me to faint during work...
Right now i just feel so tired to go on with life... In life the worst thing to lose is hope... once u lose hope everything seems bleak... You lose ur optimistic self... ur favorite things dun seem to interest u already... u just dun feel like going on... I see ppl around me lose hope ... yet the ironic thing is that as a nurse i dun really know what to say to get them back on their feet... I myself am starting to lose hope in myself...
Tuesday, January 30 >Today is my off day again... hehe... so happy and this week my off is today and tomorrow... No concrete plans yet. Tonight going to treat my family to dinner at some peranakan restaurant. Should be quite nice... Tomorrow might be watching movie with jacq lim and eve... We might be watching this chinese show called "Happy Birthday" Not too keen on it but i will just follow along.
Yesterday i was on afternoon shift and i was put in charge of 12 patients... However yesterday was quite peaceful so it was quite ok... Sometimes even 6 patients can make u damn busy... Thank God. He must be blessing me recently.
~ Me ~
Name; Jolyn Choo
Age: 19 years
Birthday: December 30
School: Nanyang Poly SHS Nursing Year 3
Place of Work: SGH
CCA: NYP TKd, Geo Council, CSC
~ Loves ~
- rainbows
- smiles on ppl's faces
- food!
- surprises!
- letters
- watching stars at night
- lilies
- tv
~ Loathes ~
- cockroaches
- heights
- backstabbers
- boredom (nothing to do)
~ Wishlist ~
- to be a great nurse
- to have a happy and healthy family
- to be contented and be able to enjoy simple pleasures of life
- to see a rainbow
- lots of food everyday
- to save more money to buy clothes
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