Recently have been pretty sad... Sad about life, sad about my work... I guess I am pretty depressed... When I am sad also cannot work properly... and in the end i become even sadder... Feel like all hope in life is lost.Feel like crying. Feel that once i cry everything will be better. But i cant cry . Cause i never had the habit of crying . Last time i used to cry alot. and my father slapped me once, said i am such a weakling.... cause he believes that u should not cry even if u are, even when his brother died he did not cry. And he was a rather tough man i suppose so he wanted me to be tough too... But now i feel i really need to cry, or else i will feel this uncomfortable feeling like i am suppressing to many things inside.
Yesterday was rather disorinetated... until this en that was deployed to my side that was deployed over told me to calm down then i can really enjoy working. Actually i find what she says is true... when u are stressed u cant seem to finish all ur work but when u are calm u seem to be able to deal with problems better. Even though there is piling work load u can deal with it slowly and eventually finish all in time... But i feel i am a person too controlled by my emotions which is not too good... When i feel stressed i really cannot think about anything at all... My whole mind suddenly turns black. i really want to find back that feeling of enjoying work again.
Yesterday after work me and shirley went to far east. She brought me there to dye my hair and get a hair cut. Though i feel its not to obvious but its still a change... haha... after that we ate korean food . I ate the mixed riced in the stone hot pot. Its pretty nice... Shirley at the spicy beef kimchi soup. After that accompanied shirley to get mc for the next day cause she got fever and flu... went back home and was chatting with my father. Chatted until i feel asleep on the couch... haha...I guess thats how tired i am ... haha
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