Friday, December 30 >This week is my week in A and E and I am thoroughly enjoying it, especially when I am in the observation room... I think the staff are very friendly and willing to teach and i gained a bit of confidence in my skills cause we also suppose to do things fast. Only thing is we are posted to AH, the cases are not as "exciting" as I expected them to be... as in no collapse (touch wood) cases. I really thought my week in A and E would be hell cause I can sort of be blur and clumsy but I actually find myself liking it... dunno lah, just feel very happy working here. I dunno whether I will ever come back to A and E as in working as a nurse. Somehow I dare not dream of becoming a nurse working here, maybe i just feel inadequate.
This week although its thursday i have been consistently running around the reservoir whether b4 work or after work. I have already ran 3 times this week already. Running makes me think less of my troubles and lighten myself up. Though on the outside i look like someone who doesn't have much troubles cause i dun show them, i actually do. Its just i cant possibly go around showing them... whether i am stressed, sad, frustrated, happy or troubled, its a good antidote... and its healthy too... Ok now I am going to run again.
Monday, December 26 ME and sushi, a picture taken this morning!>
MAO MAO: my second cat>
>
My third cat... sushi... so pretty right! she's a menace!
CHRISTMAS EVE>Things I did on my christmas eve Ate KFC delievery for lunch... eeks fattening Went to jenny sister's ROM bbq in the evening at Downtown East, didn't eat much though. And Jenny sprained her ankle cause she said she was so engrossed in smsing me that she missed a step. After that me and Eve decided to to Tampines K Box. We spent our Christmas at 12 on the last train . Seldom go k box and soooo late but never mind, nice once in a while... got festive charge. We sang until 3. And we each ordered 2 alcoholic drinks each... hehe. After that Eve was high and could not walk properly but i didn't feel anything . (I have the drinking genes of my father i guess... but nothing to gloat about). We both took same taxi home. I reached home at 4, saw my brother who just reached home too and he was drunk... but i am still very alert. Slept at 5. Could not wake up in time for morning service at 8 this morning. Writing this entry at 10. Isn't this an objective report writing... like real...
Saturday, December 24 >
A day in sentosa with my nursing friends November 2o something...
Friday, December 23 >I think one good thing i learnt from life is to try to learn to take negative things or events in a postitive light. I guess you have to learn to to do it if you want to survive in this sometimes mean cruel (but sometime can be warm) world... depends on how you perceive it.
Thursday, December 22 >My week in OT has so far been not too bad. Its passable but at the same time I am grateful i am only here for one week. Maybe its because I am here that i really wish my times in the ward where i can really have patient contact and give my nursing care, but here i am sorta forced to be task orientated and see the doctors cutting up human bodys as if they were cutting pork in the market place. Life is always like that. Its also because i went to such a far place like AMKH that i really treasure my shorter journey to SGH. You dun actually know what you have until you suddenly lose it, then you will start to treasure it.
Despite this, I am aware at the fact that i dun want to be here for a career but whether or not that happens i am actually only here for a week, so i am trying to learn the most i can. I have assisted the S/N as a scrub nurse for 2 cases so far. I think tomorrow there will be more oppurtunities. So far i think i enjoy my time in PACU/ Recovery Room the most, its when patients are recovering from anesthesia and we have to give them the relevant nursing care, like monitor their condition, give them painkillers if needed, take out their laryngeal tubes when they are conscious. Anyways i will try my best to learn as much as possible... I wish I can gain more self confidence too, which is wat i lack very much in my life.
Monday, December 19 MY THOUGHTS OF THE DAY>This week is my week in OT. I experienced alot and saw alot although its only my first day here... I dun want to make any quick judgement but just learn as much as I can. I feel as if I am deprived of communication with ppl, especially patients... Its just a fast paced environment very different from the wards... task orientated, always on your feet...
I just went out to the supermarket to buy some things but i suddenly felt like sitting down and looking at the ppl walking on by. Sometimes i just feel like lying back and not continuing on this journey, sometimes i feel tired, sometimes i feel like i am always pushing myself too hard. I am like alot of ppl in this world, but i am only one of the many. Will anyone care... I will just have to continue my journey tomorrow and it will seem as if the thought never came to my mind, but it just comes and goes... Whatever it is, life still goes on... Time wun stop for me, I just have to go along with it... I am not depressed, I am just a normal person that will want to stop and reflect and laze around once in a while. Thats why I am human...
Talking about humans, i find it very fascinating how we are such emotional being yet when we are sitting on the operating table, it seems we are no better than pigs. The whole time when i was obseving the operation, i felt sad that this human was being poked and cut here and there but it sort of reminded me of the butcher cutting meat at the market... hehe... sounds a bit sadistic but its true...
Saturday, December 17 >Sometimes the process of growing up and learning can be painful, but I still thank God for them...
Tuesday, December 13 HARD LESSON>Today was a rather depressing day for me. working in the wards sometimes sucks, so many rules to follow strictly, so many roles to fulfill... do junior work on top of learning s/n work... Have to sometimes look at ppl's "lian se4". I think I just got blacklisted by the sister of the ward... it sucks, but i guess a portion of it is my fault... Just that I am unlucky enough to kena caught... My lecturer had a long talk with me and she asked me to write a letter stating what wrong I have done (I guess the sister complain to her).. haiz... I dun really wanna talk about it. Its just sometimes ppl do these things but never get caught but i do it only once and got caught... But somehow, I dun want to seem all sad about it... i mean life still goes on, you still have work to do... i think i am weird . After this incident i really wanted to cry... really wanted to hide under a blanket and just dun work. but i guess i can't do this. This is the real world you are going into Jolyn. I just keep on telling myself, no matter what I must not give up... Hard lesson to learn but I did learn something. maybe I will be a better staff nurse because of this...
Sunday, December 11 > me and alina!!!
> Me and my nursing friends at geylang senior citizens centre
MY TESTIMONY???>Recently it has been quite hectic for me, and during attachment my father will help me to wash, dry and iron my uniform which makes me very touched, so I told him I appreciated it very much, and he seems pleased to hear that. I guess its nice to recieve a word of thanks sometimes . Or else you will think ppl take you for granted. After that we actually chatted for a while at night which is not common for us.
To tell everyone the truth I used to dislike my father a whole lot. Cause there was a time when I was living in China and everyday I would hear my parents quarreling. One day my mother was so depressed, frustrated and sad that she just decided to pack our bags and bring me back to singapore away from the rest of my family. Up to now, she will tell me I must never be too reliant on anybody and trust only in myself and god. After that both of us went to live in our aunty's place in singapore. That was the darkest period of my life and i just wanted to isolate myself from anything in this world. I wished i had never been born. But then my aunty brought me out of my darkness and told me about christ and till today i still cling on to god's hope though i back slide now and then... Its just something i could not describe, a feeling that i was being protected by my heavenly father God... So even more, if i want to be a good christian i must be a good daughter to my earthly father. I think God would want me to do that... Now i think i can let go off my ill feelings of him and let go off my past hurts to get on with life. But i think all this was necessary to make me what I am today. (maybe you could call this sort of a testimony?)
>Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing is the right thing to do... but i guess I will just do what I think is right and follow my heart. Thats me I guess...
Yesterday i went out with Kavi and verna. Called them out cause long time never go out with them. Watched this ultra super gross show called "The Descent". About a group of 6 girls stuck in a cave full of flesh eating evoluted cannibals. Its really ultra disgusting and pure evil to watch it. I literally jumped out of my seat a few times while watching it. And it also shows the ugly side of human nature. The things human face when faced with fear... Its M18 btw cause their is horror and gore...
Then after that we ate at Long Johns Silver and chatted for a while. Its so nice to talk to them. I feel that they are still my closest friends (maybe closer since we live so near and go to same school ). Actually I was suppose to go off and meet Eve and Jenny they all but then I really wanted to stay with them so i did not go for the other outing... Very bad of me I know... haiz... We walked around for a while. I simply hate going to shopping centres, especially on saturdays. Yesterday it was so congested I think I breathing in so much CO2 i could faint... we went around looking for jeans for kavi . I could guess his waist line cause its the same as mine... Then the 2 of them were teasing me and said i looked like his mother picking jeans for him...so meann...
But really enjoy going out with them and we plan to go out next week too, but maybe do something fun like kite flying and a picnic... so excited. Nice to go out and relax and chill out after hectic stressful time during attachment.
Thursday, December 8 >Today the day was spent in Geylang Polyclinic at the senior citizen day care centre. Its a place where families put their elderly at home here for the day to be taken care of. These people are sort of recuperating from falls or fractures and need constant exercise or loosening of joints, so each person will be given physiotherapy. So today we sort of did some loosening of muscles and joints and helped the elderly to exercise their joints when they needed it, and learnt some massaging techniques to improve blood circulation. I was doing some lower limb exercises for a overweight fat man and i almost sprained my back (guess, i am just not experienced enough). Though its not really part of our job but something useful to be learnt... Besides this, their were some students from NYJC who were also here for a week attachment to do volunteer work, so they planned and performed some magic show. After that we had a mini singing session in which we sang for them... Anyways I was quite enthusiastic about it but i think those elderly found us making a fool of ourselves and kept on laughing. But anyways quite fun to make a fool out of ourselves sometimes, it makes ppl happy sometimes. Overall I found it quite a nice, but a bit slow experience, quite diff from the normal ward duties.
I think maybe its not very possible for me to take up gerontology cause my dialect is not up to standard and 70 % of elderly speak dialect... makes me feel bad. I guess I have to change myself since I can't expect them to change for me. And this experience makes me feel i should be more patient to the ppl around me, but sometimes still feel irritated.
So tired, not enough sleep these days. ZZZ
Wednesday, December 7 >Soo frustrating.. sometimes you help someone but never get a word of thanks instead you get a cold and stuck up look... or worse some crazy senile person starts hurling vulgarities at you cursing you so bad you feel like kicking them so hard . Its such a sucky day today... i know it sounds pessimistic but i dun care, thats exactly how i am feeling now. I may be a nurse but i am not a maid and i also deserve some respect... so du lan... Is this what I am working so hard for, handle so much of this shit... Sometimes I regret joining... reallly... its just so tiring to keep uplifting myself of what a "nice' job this is... Well I guess it is, just that I can't think of any now since its been such a sucky day. haiz... haiz... haiz
11.27 pm now, there is something wrong with the timing # posted by Jolyn |
10:51 PM
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>Did not know attachment can sometimes be so tiring though it hasn't been the worst one. Just that yesterday after attachment I was so tired i slept for 10 hours. Yesterday there was something that really got me a bit frustrated. There was one of my patients that has senile dementia, and is unable to walk for the time being due to some operation, but she always likes to crawl out of bed. She always keeps on calling for the nurse and says the same old thing and its irritating the heads of the pateints in the same room. She kept on asking me for scissors to cut her restraints (since she keeps crawling out of bed) and keeps one wanting to pull out her urinary cathether... and you have to be with her during her meals and sort of cajole her into eating...
Guess better get ready for work now, today and tomorrow will be a busy day. # posted by Jolyn |
10:06 AM
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Monday, December 5 FIRST DAY OF ATTACHMENT>Today was my first day of attachment after a month long holidays... and i certainly feel very lazy to go back to work. This time i am attached to AMK Hospital for my Gerontology posting. I am pretty happy cause I like taking care of the elderly (i know its weird... cause the more unlovable ppl find them, the more lovable i find them). This morning when I woke up at 5 i told myself I have to love what I do and be enthusiastic about my job. It might sound that I am consoling myself about going for attachment but i have no choice, isn't it better to be a bit more positive about it!!!
Today I was also feeling a bit sick cause i have "shedding of epithelium of my uterus wall" so I feel totally terrible (those who dunno what I am talking about... nvm...). Its just such a sick feeling... Today was also a good day to meet up lots of friends, i met up with some ppl from my class, verna (that was a surprise!), and some other school mates I had worked with b4. The most of today was spent on orientation in which we had some nursing officer explain on a powerpoint on amk hospital services, then there was a tour around the hospital. After that we went back to our respective wards... Today we didn't do much. I just went around talking to my patients, bringing them to the toilet or changing thrir nappies. I think they seemed quite happy to see me cause most of the nurses there are either indian or Filipinos, and the patients are mostly chinese... So at least I can communicate with them. Just that i feel my dialect isn't too good...
Have not really gotten to the routine and work flow of the hospital yet but my feeling of it is a more close knitted organisation compared to SGH. Hope I can fulfill my dream of becoming a good nurse though I am very blur and forgetful... =)
Since coming back home I have been stuffing myself with water. Its just so dehydrating to work in the wards... I hope it wun affect my complexion ... haha (i sound so vain...)
Today we and Verna came back together after work. She told me i have become stronger since secondary school. Someone who is not afraid to voice out my opinions and will show my feelings about something, cause last time I used to hide it... I am just someone one cannot judge by the cover... But sometimes I feel no matter how strong i become most ppl will not look at what is inside at me, but rather look at what is outside. This world is like that I guess... I can't really change it... Though I am living in it... I dun really have to be part of it...
Saturday, December 3 CELL STEAMBOAT>Today, it turned out, I felt better after some rest and Po Chai Pills. So I headed to Rachel's house for our cell steamboat. I got ready lots of cut fruits, watermelon, papaya, grapes, jackfruit, mini mandarin oranges, longan... A part of the meal we always forget is fruits and veges and this nurse is here to remind you... Haha!!!
We played a card game called "Bang" which I did not really like... Then after that we proceeded to eat when all were present. Anyways i find it really fun to cook things for other ppl when having steamboat and bbq... so I am awarded the most hardworking chef... hahah!!! This event is especially for Eunice and pek Lyn(2 of the members) who are going back to malaysia (their hometown) as they finshed their A levels in singapore... I dunno when we will be able to see each other... And to my surprise, it was also to celebrate eunice, ina and my birthday... They bought a very nice chocolate cake with banana filling. And we each received a present. Mine was a mini pencil with a miniture princess clown on top... haha...!!! After that, a few more ppl came and we played a board game called "Cranium". Its pretty challenging but fun to play. So overally, its fun... Relax a bit and have fun b4 attachment starts next week... # posted by Jolyn |
11:27 PM
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Attachment Schedule>My attachmnent in December 5/12/05 ---- 16/12/05 at Ang Mo Kio Hospital (2 days will be doing Home nursing) 19/12/05 --- 23/12/05 at SGH doing operating theatre placement 26/12/05 --- 30/12/05 at Alexandra Hospital doing A and E placemnt
Grading on 8/1/06: Dunno whether can go, dunno whether want or can go for TKD training camp either. Especially during attachment period, its really pushing myself to the limit.
Feel sick now until I am getting green in the face... dunno whether can go for the steamboat at Rachel's house later... scared i will just vomit everything out... # posted by Jolyn |
10:34 AM
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Thursday, December 1 SOME IDLE COMPLAINTS>I often think about my life. What would it be like if I did not make it to be what it is made now. What if my mother never brought me to Singapore. What if i remained in China. I would never have met so many friends and never have come out of my isolation. Then I think what if I had picked to go to JC or some course in a nearer poly. Would i enjoy it, would i learn much. I suppose i would , but maybe different things as I am learning now. But I know it would not have made me into what i am now... Sometimes i just wish, I had some other course. Some skill that has to learnt and i can do a job in the office for office hours and get my own desk. But i guess I wun have the priveledge. I can't turn back now, at least for the next 3 years after i graduate, i am bonded to the hospital. Since, I picked this course , it has already been arranged. I suppose after I graduate they will even find a ward in sgh for me to work in. I know i am suppose to be grateful. But sometimes i question whether i am really up for the job. I dun like to see death, I dun like to see old ppl being abandoned, I dun like to see senile demntia patients getting violent, I dun like to see abortions, I dun like to see myself colder and numb as i see all these, I dun like all the paper work we have to do, I dun like to see families arguing over minute little things, I dun like to see the nurses being scolded by family members...
Ok, it seems I do have a word of complaint. It had seemed I was ok with anything. The first time my patient passed away and i had to clean up the body, it had seemed I was ok and I was back to my normal self after that, but actually their was a hurdle for me to cross (i suppose there is one for everyone)... I love my job yet I have alot of things which is reality that i have to accept... I really really never knew what was in store for me when i first picked it... but i guess although I have become a bit numb in feeling, i have become a stronger person (or maybe its just a facade)? Just sometimes , i wish i could still stay to my sweet innocent view of life. Now I know the only thing I can do is try to thread the path that has been planned for me... But I have no regrets although occasionally we do spread a word of complaint here and there to ventilate our feelings. I am just a normal human being after all.
~ Me ~
Name; Jolyn Choo
Age: 19 years
Birthday: December 30
School: Nanyang Poly SHS Nursing Year 3
Place of Work: SGH
CCA: NYP TKd, Geo Council, CSC
~ Loves ~
- rainbows
- smiles on ppl's faces
- food!
- surprises!
- letters
- watching stars at night
- lilies
- tv
~ Loathes ~
- cockroaches
- heights
- backstabbers
- boredom (nothing to do)
~ Wishlist ~
- to be a great nurse
- to have a happy and healthy family
- to be contented and be able to enjoy simple pleasures of life
- to see a rainbow
- lots of food everyday
- to save more money to buy clothes
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