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God will Make a Way

* God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
he will make a way for me
he will be my guide
Hold me closely to my side
With love and strenth for each new day, he will make a way, he will make way
By the roadway in the wilderness he'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will i see
Heaven and earth will fail
But his word will still remain
He will do something new today

* God Bless you!*

Thursday, December 1

SOME IDLE COMPLAINTS>

I often think about my life. What would it be like if I did not make it to be what it is made now. What if my mother never brought me to Singapore. What if i remained in China. I would never have met so many friends and never have come out of my isolation. Then I think what if I had picked to go to JC or some course in a nearer poly. Would i enjoy it, would i learn much. I suppose i would , but maybe different things as I am learning now. But I know it would not have made me into what i am now... Sometimes i just wish, I had some other course. Some skill that has to learnt and i can do a job in the office for office hours and get my own desk. But i guess I wun have the priveledge. I can't turn back now, at least for the next 3 years after i graduate, i am bonded to the hospital. Since, I picked this course , it has already been arranged. I suppose after I graduate they will even find a ward in sgh for me to work in. I know i am suppose to be grateful. But sometimes i question whether i am really up for the job. I dun like to see death, I dun like to see old ppl being abandoned, I dun like to see senile demntia patients getting violent, I dun like to see abortions, I dun like to see myself colder and numb as i see all these, I dun like all the paper work we have to do, I dun like to see families arguing over minute little things, I dun like to see the nurses being scolded by family members...

Ok, it seems I do have a word of complaint. It had seemed I was ok with anything. The first time my patient passed away and i had to clean up the body, it had seemed I was ok and I was back to my normal self after that, but actually their was a hurdle for me to cross (i suppose there is one for everyone)... I love my job yet I have alot of things which is reality that i have to accept... I really really never knew what was in store for me when i first picked it... but i guess although I have become a bit numb in feeling, i have become a stronger person (or maybe its just a facade)? Just sometimes , i wish i could still stay to my sweet innocent view of life. Now I know the only thing I can do is try to thread the path that has been planned for me... But I have no regrets although occasionally we do spread a word of complaint here and there to ventilate our feelings. I am just a normal human being after all.

# posted by Jolyn | 7:22 AM

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