Friday, June 30 >I dare not think about the future... and I dun want to be too immersed in the past... i only live in the present telling myself to take things a step at a time. Trying new things means sometimes coming out of our shell, our fears and insecurities and maturing through the process. How sometimes I wish things would not change so fast...
Tuesday, June 27 COURSE ON IV CANNULATION>I am super tired now. Today i went to a place called the Alice Lee Institute of Advanced Nursing to go for a course on Intravenous Cannulation... So now i am certified to poke ppl... wait not yet lah... I passed my practical on the mannequin but i still have to do it on 5 other patients in the ward and be assessed by my preceptor or my sister... Did I tell anyone about my preceptor. I got the same preceptor as during my PRCP... she is scary... sarcastic, comments on any little thing about u even if u did nothing wrong, she is also a super gan chiong person... Hope I can work together with her well...
I failed my theory test for cannulation... I think i was the only one to fail... Haiz... I made really stupid mistakes... But I guess I learnt more from this failure. I am not a loser just because i failed a test. But if i can accept my shortcoming with a open heart and learn from it , i think i will become a better and more knowlegable person... Anyways i passed my retest, so its not to bad after all...
Monday, June 26 PICture taken on 19/6/06 : I had to rush off to SGH straight after graduation... such a realistic life.>
SUNDAYS>Sundays... a good time to relax, a good time to check up on ur emails, clean your room which looks like a pig sty for the past week, wash ur uniforms , drip dry them and iron them... A good day to bathe your cats, clean their shit pans... a good day to do something relaxing before going back to work on monday... (this does not apply when we start shift duties). It is also a good day to study and read the bible to grow closer to God.
Verna told me something... The only release from life and its troubles is death. Sometimes i also wish that death could take me away. IT would be a much easier route for me but a harder one for others... But now I still want to do alot of things in this life of mine so i am not ready for death... So I should embrace life even more... Sorry if this sounds like crap.
INNER THOUGHTS>The pass few days I have been asking myself how do I,as a newbie in the working world gain more confidence. I was partially troubled by this question cause I think I am really a person with very low self confidence. If I know something but am not too sure I will take it as I dunno. Wheras there is another nyp girl with me, she is new to the ward but she seems to adapt really fast and has much more confidence than me... I think as a student nurse its still ok if u dun have enough confidence but as a staff nurse u must have the basic confidence... I really want to change myself yet I am aware of the fact that confidence is not built up overnight. One of my friends who had to repeat her prcp told me at first she had very low self confidence and self esteem. At first she wanted to run away from her naggy staff but after a while she learned to accept her situation. When she thought about whatever outcome she would have she felt very inconfident but then she focused on day to day basis, just trying to do and learn as much as she can for the day. And she eventually gained more confidence... I think I am also that sort of person. I am inconfident mostly cause I feel I am not up to the staff nurse title but if I take it one day at a time I am sure I will learn more and more... I think I should just take it easy... haha!!!
Yesterday after the half day of course in SGH I went out with Alina at Orchard Cineleisure to watch the show "Just My Luck". The show was really nice. About this girl who always had good luck in her life and a guy that was very "dao mei" always. One day they met and kissed (they kissed at a masquerade party and both parties were masked) and all the luck got exchanged. The guy who really needed the luck was more successful in her career. The girl lost everything she had... her job and in the end she had to work as a toilet cleaner. But the girl learned alot of stuff she did not when she had all the luck. The two parties met and became friends and eventually fell with one another. But the girl already decided to give all her luck to the guy cause she felt he needed it more than her and she said though she did not have luck she had learnt alot. In the end she decided to leave the guy cause if they kissed all the luck would be transferred back to her again. But the guy told her (when he found out the truth) that he would not be unlucky if he did not have luck cause he had her by his side... In the end they both kissed another small girl (who was also always unlucky ) cause they thought she needed it more than her. And I think both of them became neutral of either both unlucky... haha!!! I give the show shoe 4 1/4 stars out of 5. Definately worth watching if u want something to cheer you up...
Sometimes I think I am a rather unlucky person also. Like I always get caught in the rain, fall over things, drop things and I seldom win any thing... but i guess we have to take it easy in life... If it rains bring an umbrella (which i always forget), Be more careful when I am walking or doing stuff... Some things we can't change we should not bother about them.
Then after the movie we met up with jacqueline and Jenny and went to eat at Pepper Lunch. Its not too bad but not exactly the best place to sit down and talk cause everyone is cooking their food. The food was pretty nice. I would probably give it 3 and a half stars out of 5. The pepper made the dish very fragrant but the rice was sometimes too hard as it was overcooked. After that we walked around and did some window shopping and sat down on the nice couches of Star Bucks Coffe in Wisma. Wetalked from around 7.30 to 9.30.. Its really surprising we had so much to talk on. After talking to them all my fears and troubles seem to have disapeared (actually they have not, I just feel I am better prepared to handle them). I think its really impt to have a support group of friends u can rely on in times of need. Cause i am the sort that does not like to keep everything to myself until I burst. i will definately say it out...
Wednesday, June 21 MEANINGFUL STORY: THE FROG STORY>A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time. This story teaches two lessons:
1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.
2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them. Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words.... it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of thespirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.
Author Unknown.
Something i learnt today: If it is to be, it is up to me!!! # posted by Jolyn |
10:33 AM
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Tuesday, June 20 GRADUATION>Today was my graduation day... It was a rather boring event but I guess it marks a new chapter of our life... Its not the end rather the beginning.... I am sooo embarassed. I made a real big fool of myself in front of everyone... After walking to the guest of honour and shaking his hand I suddenly did not know what to do and was suppose to pose for photographs with the GOH but suddenly I felt blank and forgot to smile and hold my cert and smile for my photograph... Arrggh. dun want to talk about it... when i think about it i feel like strangling myself. I can't stand my blurness sometimes... haha. But this is so malu... Anyways, at least I have an experience of going on stage to receive a prize. The last time I actually went on stage to receive a prize was in Primary Five when I got second in class...
Everyone looked very pretty and formal. I feel very proud when I was reciting the Nurse's Pledge. I really want to be the sort of person that can uphold the nursing profession.
Saturday, June 17 CONFIRMATION>Ok... so I officially got the red light that i am confirmed to be going to Ward 48 Medical Oncology. None of my batch students who were with me during my last attachment are back in the ward, which makes me feel a bit sad. Rather i am together with one other person who i dunno. Suddenly i wonder whether I made the correct choice but now I know I can't change it already...
Tuesday, June 13 2nd Day of work : Foundation Programme>Today was quite boring day of my Foundation programme. I have not been told which ward I will be going to. They said i should get that info latest by Thursday. I just told myself to take it as it comes. Today we had newly passed of staff nurses from KKH to join us for some core foundation programme. Today all those ppl giving us talks were those ppl in high positions such as directors or assistant director of nursing of SGH, National Eye Centre, CGH etc... So they were telling us about stuff like Nursing Career path, Joint Commision International audit which is supposedly suppose to take place in the hospital next year.
Then me and Verna were discussing about what we would like to specialise in if given a choice. Her choice is paediatrics and Midwifery. For me it would be Medical Surgical nursing (cause its a very broad and general course), Oncology Nursing or Midwifery (i dunno . I just thought it would be nice to be working in the labour ward or seeing a new life come this world). But off course anything is too early to say... We still have lots to go through.
Today i had this very serious problem of mood swings. I dunno why... I think it must be the time of the month again. I dun feel like talking like i usually do, in fact I just want ppl to leave me alone. hehe... I think its a really bad problem of mine... I know sometimes when i am moody, I will still be nice to the patient but i will be more task orientated. Cause i can't possibly show them a black face. I seem to be a very isolated person when i am like this, suddenly losing my ability to be what i am usually like. Actually I also realised that I have an extremely low confidence level... I really want to try to increase my confidence level. I think as a person, as a young adult, as a new nurse I still have alot to grow...
Anyways now trying to study for a test for tomorrow. I dun really think it should be a problem cause its on Diabetes... something I am quite familiar with. # posted by Jolyn |
11:06 PM
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POOR LITTLE CAT>Dunno why. I am soo tired now though i didn't do much at work cause it was mainly orientation. Just went over to jenny's place to pass her some things and she gave me back my clinical book. Now just feeling a bit sick... Dunno this morning kept on vomiting gastric fluid and the whole day got no apetite to eat... Anyways on the way back from jenny's house i passed by one hdb flat and I saw this cat who was really badly injured... Her whole head was bleeding... I dunno whether she got scalded until all her fur came out, or was she tortured. Actually at first I wanted to touch her then i decided not to cause she was all bloody. So I faster rushed back home, took a pair of gloves, some wet wipes, water, wet cat food. Then I went down there again and did dressing for the poor little cat (of course i practiced the surgically clean method wearing gloves and all... ) Hopefully her wound would not grow maggots. Actually I thought of putting a bandage around her head, then i thought to myself it would be very funny to see a stray cat walking around with a bandage around her head . Furthermore i never tried bandaging a cats head b4 although its probably the same as bandaging a human. Then after that I gave it some food i brought along... Actually I dunno whether I did a kind deed or was a incredibly stupid looking trying to do dressing on a cat. I know its probably all dirty running around again. But i did what i felt I should do... Anyways I am just so cranky now. My mind is not thinking properly. Sometimes i can't stand myself for being so simple minded. # posted by Jolyn |
12:27 PM
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SLEEPNESS NIGHT>Tomorrow I start work yet I can seen to get to sleep. I am just too excited. This is just not my style. I dun remember being this excited for attachment even my first one... I only know Alina has this problem of tossing and turning in bed syndrome before her attachment but not me leh...
Anyways today I met up with Angelina in the evening and we chatted at Coffe Bean and at the Oyster mee Sua and chicken cutlet from Shi Lin... The Chicken cutlet is ok but the oyster mee sua was quite sour and filling.... erm and not really to my liking .
Sunday, June 11 INNER TURMOIL>Was feeling rather depressed today. I guess everyone of us has their down days now and then... This was just an inner turmoil. People outside sometimes dun know whats going in inside me or what i am thinking. But actually i rather they not know. But I was really sad and I listened to this song which I got from "At Dolphin Bay" soundtrack. its supposedly a taiwanese drama series but the song is christian.
Its called Journey written and sung by Corrine may
It's a long long journey Till I know where I'm supposed to be It's a long long journey I don't know if I can believe When shadows fall and block my eyes I am lost and know that I must hide It's a long long journey Till I find my way home to you Many days I've spent Drifting on through empty shores Wondering what's my purpose Wondering how to make me strong I know I will falter I know I will cry I know you'll be standing by my side It's a long long journey And I need to be close to you sometimes it feels no one understands I don't even know why I do the things I do When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul Will you break down these walls and pull me through Cause It's a long long journey Till I feel that I am worth the price You paid for me on calvary Beneath those stormy skies When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes It feel like everything is out to make me lose control Coze it's a long long journey Till I find my way home to you...to you
I can even sing this song until i remember the lyrics. Sometimes as a human being there are bound to be pessimistic or negative thoughts from the situations in life. its not exactly a wonderful world . in fact it can be quite shitty... And its a normal thing to be down sometimes. But Just as the song says Satan mocks me and uses this to control my thoughts. And sometimes its not the event that kills but the thoughts that kill. I have seen how thought can ruin a person... It does not affect one single person but rather everyone... People will always be in Satan's clutches...
Then I remembered something i learnt in church we cannot let ourself be tossed here and there by the evil ones..subjecting ourselves to Satan's clutches, we shud realli stand up boldly, with the authorit and power GIVEN to us b the heavenly father.. and be strong against Satan.. then once he sees that u are a child of God and not easily to be bullied, he'll leave u alone
I suddenly remember the significance of one of the verses I read.
To keep me from being conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messanger of Satan, to torment me. Three times i pleaded with God to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong. Corinthians 12 : 7-10
I think i am a sinful person cause humans are sinful. I lie, I procrastinate, i curse... I even lied to my cell group leader cause i dun feel like going church tomorrow. Sometimes i find life is so hard to be totally honest and pure in thoughts as God wants us to be... So sometimes I dun feel good enough for being God' Child...
Anyways tomorrow will be meeting up with angelina . She agreed to accompany me to pasir ris park. Then we can eat dinner under the stars at the beach there. I even told her I will bring my song book so we can sing songs... Err,, hopefully it makes up for lying to my cell group leader. hehe... i feel guilty.
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN>Monday i start work. I feel excited yet I feel scared... Its something like getting pre marriage jitters... I am more of less scared of the unknown cause though I know what is expected of me, knowing and doing are 2 different things. My friend told me that i should be happy that I am going to be a staff nurse but i just feel uncertain... haiz.. can someone help me...
Tomorrow i decided to skip church... I feel like being with god but i dun want to be with ppl and going to church is something like being with alot of ppl sometimes... I want to go to a place where I can quieten my heart down. Maybe pasir ris park. I always go there when I feel like being alone with just me, myself and nature...
Today i met up with Verna and Cat and we went to parkway parade K Box to sing... I really want to join the church choir. I guess that will have to wait...
Saturday, June 10 MY PAL>Dunno why suddenly i feel quite sad... though not totally.. its for a very stupid reason. Cause in 2 days time I will be starting my work life. And my good friend Alina just got a call that she will starting work with the next batch of prcp students for our cohort in july cause there is some problem with her medical report particularly the TB thing (cause last time we did a TB research test and her scar ended up to be bigger). So they need to do some standard procedures to verify it again... Haiz... But feel kinda sad that she wun be together with me for orientation... Even though sometimes during attachment we dun have time to bother about each other... But she is the kind of person thats presence brings me comfort and makes me feel that perhaps this world is not that cold after all... Since year one we have gone thru soo much together, from orientation, ups and downs in schooling, OT, A and E, Geron, IMH, PRCP... even though sometimes we are not together in the same ward but sometimes we would call each other after work to grumble about work... In my poly I have made very close friends particularly Jenny, Eveline, Chan but Alina is the one that has gone thru the most with me... Though she is not necessarily the one I will tell all my secrets but she is definately a person that is fun to be with, nice to study with, great to be her friend cause she will always photocopy notes and remind me to do this and that... I realise sometimes I rely on her as a pal... but we all need someone to rely on now and then. Anyways hope she enjoys her extended holidays. Though I am not with her physically my heart will be her when she is having fun... heheh!!! # posted by Jolyn |
10:40 AM
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Friday, June 9 A DAY IN MY SISTER'S HOUSE>Now I am currently in my sisters house. I came over last night mainly cause i am rather bored at home and wanted a change of environment and secondly, to entertain her a bit too... cause i know she is rather lonely especially after her husband went to work in Dubai. However i dun seem to be entertaining her that much lah... I make myself very much at home so she does not have to bother about me much... But i guess sometimes its the presence that comforts u...
Now not doing anything much... just going online in my free time, chatting on msn, blogging, watching this korean show called "All In". its not bad. just that the sound quality for the vcd not too good... Later i will be meeting up with my old church friends from Bethesda frankel... i think i have not seen them for 4 to 5 years so hope it will be good.
Anyways yesterday i chatted with my sister before we were about to sleep... She is going over to Dubai to work in July... It might be long term but then amount she earns is soooo much more than what she earns in singapore... I really find her very very capable... i think she is the most capable woman in my life ... Even when i was young i found her character so outstanding and she is sooo daring and courageous. If i put myself next to her i feel like a piece of wall paper... haha... Last time when i waqs younger i used to want to become like her but now not really. i am ok with who I am... haha...
Thursday, June 8 ANIME WORTH WATCHING>I just finished a anime that Alina lent me.. its called Chrno Crusade and the ending is really really sad... Alot of people died in the show... But never theless its a anime worth watching though I gotta admit I dun really watch that much anime nowadays.
Oh and Pei lee introduced me to a radio station at www. z883.com. It is an amrican radio station with all the christian songs... its quite nice.
Thinking of what to do for the next few days. This week has been rather sianz and boring.
Wednesday, June 7 Some pictures I took recently> All of us are wet after playing the water ride!!!
Picture for the Seoul garden outing with some of my class mates after exams Picture at escape theme park on 5/6/06
A DAY IN THE KITCHEN>Today dunno what got into me. I suddenly have the urge to whip up a nice and hearty meal... so i spent most of my after noon in the kitchen. I made Japanese curry with carrots, potatoes and chicken breast, Cream of mushroom (not the campbell can type). So that was my dinner. Actually was in the process of making somemore things but suddenly my kitchen ran out of gas. Initially also wanted to make baked chicken wings and make a salad stuffed inside taupok... Then my father ate what I cooked for dinner then he said next time I can cook all the meals.. errr... I only cooked today cause I have the mood for it... But I think I will be too lazy to cook everyday.
Next week my work officially starts... 6 more days to go...
Tuesday, June 6 FEAR IN MY HEART>I feel fearful to start work.. will I have time for church or cell group... My leader asked me if i want to be baptised but i dun want this to be a rash decision. What if I drift away... what if... so many what ifs... Is it cause my faith is not firmly grounded... I always thought baptism is like a lifetime decision and I dun want it to end up in divorce. I think i think too much liao...
Sunday, June 4 THANK GOD FOR PAINFUL LESSONS>Today God taught me a valuable lesson.... To be alert of the surroundings around me and protect what is mine. I must also be aware that evil and temptation lurks in every corners of human heart... Haiz... actually dun wanna talk much into it... Its just a bit traumatising. But from painful lessons u are bound to learn from it. U can't always blame ur surroundings . Sometimes u gotta look at urself and see if the problem lies partly with urself.
But i learnt that although sometimes at time in situations when u feel bleak and hopeless there are always angels to guide me and give me comfort. Thank God for them... I have been thinking and thinking. Should I dedicate my life to God...
HAIZ...>Today will be going out with Angelina for some shopping or maybe more like window shopping. Then after that in the evening going to bring her to meet up with my cell group to watch X Men together.
Anyways yesterday my father just came back from China yesterday after being there for 6 weeks... I can't really say i miss him at all... And i feel very guilty cause I sort of forgot i had a father sometimes. I think maybe cause since young I seldom communicate or talk to him thats why I am not close to him at all... but it just feels weird to have a father around in the house sometimes. Am I suppose to act all happy and jubilant and start to shower him with coffee , tea and me. Maybe i am not affectionate enough. I feel that though sometimes ppl live under the same roof they might not necessarily know each others thoughts very well In this sort of case father-daughter sort of becomes a formality. I am not saying I hate him or anything, just that i dun feel anything for him. I think what happened in the past will indirectly affect ur behaviour in the future. Haiz.... Talking about this let me link it to another topic, Jenny told me the way u feel towards God will be reflected in the way u feel towards ur earthly father.. jia Lat...
Saturday, June 3 NEW SHOES AND UNIFORM. A NEW STart>This is one of my favorite songs by Cyndi Wang Xin Ling... though its pretty old.
Today went out with Alina for a while to go back to SGH to collect my uniform and shoes for work... Now i'm pretty tired.. I think I should rest a while cause later I'll be going out with Pei lee for a run... The past few days have been quite tiring being out and about and I seldom have the time to stay at home and slack... I spent quite a bit of money... but then i guess its ok since I'll be starting work soon and wun be able to go out and spend so often then... After the malaysia and thailand trip I started to love going shopping... wheras last time I used to hate going shopping. The first thing I want to get with my first pay besides giving a sum of it to my mom is to buy a mp3 player. Then my journey to work will be accompanied by songs ... hehe... Maybe buy a IPod.. cause the previous time I got a free creative mp3 player and it broke down...
Friday, June 2 A DaY OF MY HOLIDAY>Today my nursing group of friends which comprises of Chan, Eve, Jacq, Alina and me went out to eat at Eve's working place called Romankan Yokohama. The food is not bad. I give it 7 stars out of 10... hehe... cause some of the food a bit too salty. I stronly recommend the curry chicken cutlet rice... its superb. Eve looks really cute in her milk maid uniform... After Eve finished her work we met up with her and went to play arcade games... We played Daytona and the basketball game which is damn fun.. i came in 3rd out of fifth position in the Daytona game which is quite good considering that I got into alot of "car accidents". I think I am really toot when it comes to playing arcade games cause I hardly go to the arcade to play, even when i was younger... i was such a nerd.
Now my feet hurts. I think I really need the ankle guard cause the pain has been on and off especially when i go into air con rooms... its probably rheumatism... This happens when u dun take care of urself... injuries from my training last time can have a lasting effect... I have a horrendously big ulcer in my mouth too which is really painful... feels like my mouth is going thru some tooth ache.
Me and angelina decided to meet up to go and buy some formal clothing, cause she needs them for her work and i need it for my graduation... And she even told me she would teach me how to put on make up... woo hoo... its great having such a great friend like her!
~ Me ~
Name; Jolyn Choo
Age: 19 years
Birthday: December 30
School: Nanyang Poly SHS Nursing Year 3
Place of Work: SGH
CCA: NYP TKd, Geo Council, CSC
~ Loves ~
- rainbows
- smiles on ppl's faces
- food!
- surprises!
- letters
- watching stars at night
- lilies
- tv
~ Loathes ~
- cockroaches
- heights
- backstabbers
- boredom (nothing to do)
~ Wishlist ~
- to be a great nurse
- to have a happy and healthy family
- to be contented and be able to enjoy simple pleasures of life
- to see a rainbow
- lots of food everyday
- to save more money to buy clothes
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