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God will Make a Way

* God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
he will make a way for me
he will be my guide
Hold me closely to my side
With love and strenth for each new day, he will make a way, he will make way
By the roadway in the wilderness he'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will i see
Heaven and earth will fail
But his word will still remain
He will do something new today

* God Bless you!*

Wednesday, November 30

MY ROOTS>

Today went with my father to visit my grandma... I am not exactly very close to her I guess... But i know its just something we have to do to show respect for your elders... So I sort of do it half heartedly... There are things that I do whole heartedly and half heartedly, but i guess sometimes ppl can't really see cause i always looks so real on the outside... Then i met my cousin Chuin who is studying to be a social worker, my other cousin Ping who is studying in Australia, and a few uncles and aunties.

If you dunno, my father's side of the family is one that treasure their roots and very traditional. My grandfather came from Guang Zhou, Qing Yuan village (I can only remember the toilets there... i rather do my businesss in the woods). At that time, my grandfather had a wife and a son. After that he came to singapore and married my gradnmother who was the daughter of a owner of a medical shop. Then a few of my grandfather's friends from the same village set up an association in chinatown for all people from QY to gather in that place in the future. After that my father, uncle (deceased), and 2 aunties were born. Up to now, my father is still very active in the association and literally forced us to be members of the club, not that i am very enthusiastic cause the medial age from ppl from that club is 60. Basically what they do there now, is plan activities, play mahjong, sing 6os generation ktv songs (like Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai). I dun really enjoy going there, but me and my siblings and mother just go there for formaility sake. We Just dun feel contributing, cause we are 2nd or 3rd generation members. Anyways i am just here to tell my roots. My fathers side is one who is very particular with respect for elders and manners, especially when talking and eating. I always am the last to eat, lots of rules when eating or handling chopsticks at reunion dinners, cannot cross chopsticks with your elders, must be polite to elders, and palms must be facing up when using chosticks to kiap something. Its a bit sickening but I think i sort of got used to it... Just put on a fake smile and fake front and be polite to anyone even if i really hate doing it...

I have been thinking about my brother's relationship and me... well , sometimes i really cannot stand him... but well, he is my brother. Sometimes i find him so different from me... He is just so contented with life. Which is good but not so good for a guy living in Singapore... but i still love him. I dun say i love him but I do it in small ways such as buying food for him, or making him some dinner sometimes and cleaning his tortoise tank(though i hate to do so).

Anyways, tomorrow I am going to sentoa... Hope I have a fun day!!!

# posted by Jolyn | 10:07 PM | 0 comments

TRAINING .TRAINING. TRAINING>

This morning I am awaken by a "roll of thunder"... haha!!! Not literally , but it sure sounds like one... Actually over some trivial things my father got angry and exploded at my mother. Its really so trivial until i feel like rolling my eyes. I can't understand why he always have to resort to this sort of measures to release his unhappiness... And because of that I am not able to sleep anymore though I am very tired from yesterday training. But I am sort of used to all these outbursts though I am a bit irritated it happened while I was sleeping... Wreck my peaceful sleep. I know my conscience tell me I am suppose to go and talk to my father or do something to make him happy and be an angelic good daughter but the thing is i dun want to do it and i dun care. Which makes me feel very guilty. Haiz... And i know I should not write this, but I dun care either.

Yesterday was a really tiring training. Sir peter took us for training... My goodness. His trainings are the worst and the best... Worst cause they are damn tiring, best cause they are short but intensive. We got to do lots of circuit training, continuous kicks for 45 minutes, lots of running around and circuit sparring (we line up in 2 rows and start sparring with our partners for 1 min. , after one minute we move along the lines and spar with the next person in line, ant it goes like this until we have practically sparred with everyone). During the training, I really feel like giving up but sir peter keep on telling us not to give up, to give ourself motivation. I really tried to cause, off course i dun want to give up especially when he is there since I respect him alot. even though I had no more energy, even though i sort of sprained my ankle, even though I got kicked everywhere, I still tried to stand up and fight on. This is called will power i guess... but I still dun think I am very good in sparring in the sense of my technique and tactic.

I reap what I sow... now my legs are feeling damn pain and I got bruises all around. Later i will be practising making apple pie for this saturday cell steamboat event. God Bless me!

# posted by Jolyn | 8:25 AM | 0 comments

Monday, November 28

The past few days I have been really really tired but I just persisted on. And today finally cannot tahan and I just skipped church and lied in bed until 12. Really tired... until there is a pimple popping up on my cheek. Yesterday something upsetting happened but i dun really want to think about it for the time being...

Also yesterday got a earful from my mum cause she says recently i become very lazy (not really, just go out quite often) and never help out in the house work. So today spent the whole day cleaning up, doing the laundry and ironing clothes. Then for dinner I made japanese curry and rice... it tastes quite nice and unique and rather sweet. puts lots of onions, carrots, potatoes and chicken breast inside... I also made french fries... Actually sometimes its quite fun to cook... but depends on my mood. But at least now I feel a sense of achievement.!

I am thankful to my true. friends. I think maybe i do have alot of friends but if you are saying the type of friends you go when you are down and out there are only a few I am able to confide in. Some friends are meant to have fun and go out with, some meant to study together, some better to work with... but sometimes they are not the same person. I just like to thank all my friends for being a friend to me,\. God Bless you!

# posted by Jolyn | 4:38 PM | 0 comments

LAST MINUTE FUN>

Suddenly it seems as if there are alot of places we want to do in this last week of holidays... It just feels so condensed... Want to go kbox, want to go malaysia, want to go sentosa, and still have to find time to run a few errands, go for tkd practice, go for cell meetings and outings. Sometimes when you go out (eg. K Box) surely will spend a bit of money here and there, be it transport, food or recreation. But if you stay at home, It feels like you are not fully utilising ur holidays.

I am actually the type of person that prefers to do activities such as cycling, flying a kite, having a picnic, sitting at the beach or swimming. But so far I have not found anyone to appreciate these activities with me... So most of the time I will go alone... Anyways i find singapore a rather realistic and materialistic place to live in. You can't do much things without money. But money isn't everything off course, its just essential part of living... Off course depending on how you look at it... But still I believe the most impt. things in life cannot be bought with money. Or at least I dun want to let it rule my life...

# posted by Jolyn | 1:40 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, November 26

HAPPY...>

Today was a very busy day for me. In the day time I went back to school to return my library books and run some errands that my mum assigned to me...

Yesterday i got back my results. I got Bs, Cs and Ds... which is so sucky.. as I have never gotten a D in my whole diploma course before... I got a D in mental health which is a bit surprising... I expected it to be one of the modules with a better grade.. But oh well, at least I passed all my subjects. I am indeed blessed.

After that I met my friend Angelina at TP at 5 pm and she brought me around her school which is so sweet of her... TP is really a very very nice school... It is really a happening place. 3/4 of my sec. school school mates went there. But off course I have no complaints about my course nursing where my heart and soul belong... Just I never expected to be what it is... the loads of stress and paper work. I would be contented to do bed side care.. but there is a diff. between reality and what you want ... You dun always get what you want.

She brought me around the library. Its just so nice and artistic. ..And The different canteens. I think there are about 6 canteens and a few food courts in TP... a far cry from NYP... NYP only has that fountain with kois inside in which we dun even have the time to admire. She also brought me around the different schools... In the end, she brought me to eat the really nice western food in the food court on the 2nd floor which was facing the reservoir. We shared a chicken chop and mushroom soup and she told me about her projects and life... Its really been a long time since we talked like today... I love her , my sister...

After that, we went to century square and watched "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". It rox to the core... But damn long... This sequel is pretty eerie at times but definately a nice show that is worth watching... NIce. And the seats at Century square are really comfortable, plus less ppl go there... But tickets are damn ex today. $9.50... haiz... but once in awhile its nice to watch a show.

Me and Angelina decided to sit and talk at Mac although it was already 11.30pm... cause the last bus was at 1.30 am... I think I have never told anyone so much as what I told her today, and she also told me alot of things that was shocking to hear about her life too. I guess on a superficial level ppl dun really talk about this. I told her I got no trust in loving anyone cause love is usually not long lasting, cause maybe of the influence of my family problms. By talking to her , I find everyone really has their own problems. Just you can't see them on the outside...She told me of one of our school mates that became a butch cause her family had lots of cases of violence, and her father was always abusing her mother, so she decided to look for comfort in women... When I hear of such ppl, I really feel like giving them a nice warm hug. (But off course its not too appropriate... haha). I had friends who are butches but I will still accept them, though I dun really support them... We are all ppl struggling to live in this world. Painful as it may be, thats life!

And I told her that today I had really wished I could see that guy I liked in sec. school at TP. I even prepared a letter and a gift. I dun expect anything in return but i dun want to carry the burden of not confessing that i used to like him. I want to start life anew with a clean slate. I want to live with no regrets. Its just like in the future if I decide to drop nursing, I will have no regrets cause at least i tried. But too bad, i did not see him cause I went to her school around 5 pm. I will give him the letter... as a farewell gift. At least I did something. I will do it, and I can do it... If I am courageoues enough to take up nursing though my parents said NO at first, I can do this. I will do IT. Then I can put full concentration on one dream in my life. Is to become a good nurse.

Now, i got to go and get some sleep. i got carolling practive at 11 tomorrow.. and might be going for the overnight twilight zone event org by church tomorrow. God Bless me!

# posted by Jolyn | 6:00 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, November 23

ME, THE CULPRIT>

Initially i am in a very good mood but then I just realised I forgot something I promised my friend and now he is a bit upset, so I am using my means to make up to it... But I still feel very guilty... Especially when I promise something but dun fulfill it... Usually I am the type to keep promises one and if i dun fulfill it, I will feel something eating into me... like a guilty conscience. i guess thats what is eating into me now. One important lesson. Always remember the promises you keep to others... OR ELSE YOU WILL FEEL THIS GUILTY CONSCIENCE LIKE ME! AND IT SUCKS! I am totally incapable of being heartless i guess!

# posted by Jolyn | 10:29 PM | 0 comments

FLABBY MATTER aka FATTY BOM BOM>

This is how I am feeling now... I am really so disappointed with myself. How could i let myself down. I am talking about my taekwondo training just now. I never felt such intense training (not including training camp) in a while... Relay races, stmaina training, burpees, continuous double turning kicks, squat stand kicks, sit ups, push ups... This is just for starters. Then for the soup we get sprinting around and doing duck walks... During this time, i already could not control myself and threw up my whole dinner (it wasn't alot, just a piece of mushroom and cheese bread and it does not taste nice coming out). I felt horribly and after that the training just went downhill. I was sweating loads and I reckon I suffered from fluid and electrolyte imbalance. Just no more energy to go on but there was still the main course, the kicks. I dunno how long it was but it seemed like a long time. I really feel my stamina has gone down the drain and also partly due to me feeling weak today. But halfway through the kicking exercises i chose to give up (which I never used to do). I feel so unhealthy and flabby. Not like the once demure petite Jolyn... haha...!!! I feel cranky and bonkers today, maybe my brain has too much fat in it. i am paranoid already. Someone admit me to IMH!!!

# posted by Jolyn | 4:15 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, November 22

Nov 19 Outing neo print>

# posted by Jolyn | 6:00 PM | 0 comments

ENDLESS CHATTER>

Today my mum ended up sick with the fever, flu and cough and she was shivering all over, so I stayed at home to take care of her. But anyways, there is not much to do during the holidays. I personally prepared her lunch and dinner and made for her barley and herbal tea and even served it to her on a tray. She told me she feels like a queen today... hmmm. I guess only for today ba... Its also a good way to put my nursing care to practice.

Then today I watched this jap drama series called " Striker No. 1" . Its a japanese drama about a girl who is a volley ball enthusiast and a member of her school volley ball team. She is for some reason picked to represent her school in the national team although her volley ball skills are not the best in her team. So this drama focuses on her path from a amateur to one of the best players in her team. Off course there is quite an exciting storyline in it too... What captivates me the most is the girl's determination and perseverance to pick herself up after each failed attempt. Besides playing with the volleyball they have to do many other activities to train up stamina, agility, alertness and u name it... I spite of the monstrous training she kept her spirits up. This reminds me of the training we have in tkd to train us for sparring. But I am not half as determined as her. Sometimes I feel like giving up running or during the training esp. when i never come for a long time. I know i should push myself to the limit but i dun have that motivation. I am talking about inner motivation. Now to me, its just like a PE class we have every week. Its just a neutral feeling.

Besides this, i am also busy knitting a booble hat in time for my aunt's birthday. She is a very special person to me. Cause she was the aunt that first told me about Christ in primary 6. When me and my mum first came to Singapore, she provide free lodging and food for us, and arranged for my schooling and arranged for free tuition for me... I dunno how I can ever repay her kindness to me. Although now I am busy with my life and she with hers but i think we must still find time to meet up and catch up with old times.

This sunday I am going to "The Hiding place" in which my aunt and her husband stay and own. Now they are semi retired and live in australia most of the time. The hiding Place is a christian home for drug addicts to rehabilitate. It was the place i stayed in for half a year after coming back from China. All my uncle friends there are fierce looking with big tattooes as they were previously from gangs or ex convicts. But i think they have a even bigger heart. This is because, they did make a mistake once in their life but they are really willing to turn over a new leaf. I think its also by God's grace and that they got to know God's love which gave them strength. Its also impt not to judge ppl by there appearances. Everyone always have their own reasons for doing something. Even if they have done something wrong they deserve another chance. This is life. To me, my stay there was a happy period in my life. When I really made friends...

# posted by Jolyn | 5:20 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, November 20

MY BELOVED FRIENDS (WITH HUGS AND KISSES)>

I am so thankful for verna for planning this outing for us (namely me, Verna, Violet, Geraldine and Stephanie) to meet up. I certainly has been around 3 to 4 years since I last saw some of them. Nice to catch up how there last few years of life has been since we left our sec. school. Nice to just see them, nice to know if they have grown, nice to go shopping together and just simply catch up with one another over a nice meal in a comfy place. We took some neo print and a few pictures which I will probably upload once I get them. Anyways god Bless them as they embark further into the journey of their lives!

# posted by Jolyn | 2:26 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, November 17

you are the fairy of flowersnothing brings you more pleasure then seeing nature
at work and seeing people working with nature
and not against it you help people understand
nature and its many wonders and try to educate
them with it you should try and do this more in
your normal life

what type of fairy are you? (cute anime pics)
brought to you by

# posted by Jolyn | 11:10 PM | 0 comments

Light! you are like the very sun itself! You are
very beautiful, with a soul to match! you are
the essence of all things good in the world and
you are very lively. However, you may be
over-concerned about the world, dont sweat it
if chaos erupts. Chances are it's not your
fault, and you may not always be able to fix it
alone, teamwork is the key to salvation! (your
weakness is, well, none and you have an
advantage over darkness and night)

What is your Element? (Beautiful anime pix! ^_^)
brought to you by

# posted by Jolyn | 11:06 PM | 0 comments

You want a Beautiful love, soft
but passionate. You are probably very old
fashioned and polite. You can't stand rude
people, wolf whistles are to you only
dis-respective and immature. You love nature
and everything beautiful in life. You will fall
for a guy that makes you forget about the rest
of the world.

Please rate aaaaand... eat chocolate bars?
*cough*rate*cough* ^^

What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
brought to you by Quizilla

# posted by Jolyn | 10:52 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, November 15

ME>

I am now watching this anime called "Chrono Crusade". Its pretty violent but Alina recommended it to me... Holidays have not been what you call extremely interesting. Though i try to engage in more outings. Can you imagine yesterday I was so bored that I went out shopping at Tampines. And its almost never that I go shopping. I just dun like the feeling of staying at home and not making myself useful. Learn anything, do something useful. its better than slacking at home. Slacking is good once in a while but i really makes you think a lot cause you sometimes have nothing else to do. And sometimes I think its better not to think so much. About life, about why this happen and so on.... Do we need so many chim theories about life... Some ppl think life ends up to nothing, I mean its true to a certain extent. When we die , it all ends up to nothing but even so I would like to make it as meaningful as possible. Bring a little warmth with my presence, bring a smile on someone's face. It would really make my day.

Maybe I am a simple girl, that does not want to think so much. Though sometimes i do... I am just trying my best to do what I need to do... Well sometimes not exactly my best. But I do enjoy what I do. And this journey is just me, myself and God I guess...

# posted by Jolyn | 11:20 AM | 0 comments

Saturday, November 12

SPARRING WITH SMU>

Today went back for tkd in school. There was a friendly match with SMU. But first of all we did some "light" run. We ran around the whole school and did lots of sprinting. I was a bit worried about the sparring cause I have not sparred for about half a year. I was planning on a series of movements but they never seem to come out when i am really sparring. The first person i sparred with was a white belter. The Sir told me to just intimidate her by shouting fiercely and just doing continuous turning kicks since she would be intimidated by my green tip. I did as he told me and i think i scared the wits out of my opponent. I feel a bit guilty. I mean she's a nice girl and all... But well this is a sparring contest. I guess I am sort of a different person during normal days and when i am sparring. I dun see the need for bringing my sparring mood into everyday life... Sir Peter told me he was impressed with me, and said i was really tough and strong and recover fast and go all the way. However he wanted me to spar with someone of a nearer belt level to see my limit.

My second opponenet was bridget from SMU. I think I am really fated with her. I remember last year I sparred with her and got seriously injured (remember that damn serious sprain in which I could not walk for days... well it was caused by her). I really cannot think much during the sparring thing... All my mind goes blank and i just keep giving kicks to my opponent. My weak point is my kick is not hi enough sometimes, and i always forget to block. My hands are always flapping like a chicken. Good point is i spring my kicks fast, continuously, recover fast and am more aggressive than my opponenet. maybe others are surprised at me when i sparring but i can't really believe its me too... Was I really that scary. Why does everyone seem so shocked. Unless you were there just now, you would not really understand what i am saying.

Sir Peter said I should really train up for the nationals along with Lok and Tuna. Lok is tough too and Tuna is graceful in her kicks. I can't believe it... are you really sure its me... Can I do it... I am in a bit of disbelief but i dun want to let the compliment get to me... But i will train hard. Not for any competition . I just want to do it for myself.

# posted by Jolyn | 4:25 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, November 10

A NEW BEGINNING>

Hello... welcome to my new blog... Its not really much but I still like it! Recently i have been very much wishing for a rainbow to appear in my life so I named my blog after it. Although it has not appeared I still pray for one!

A new blog is like a new chapter to me. Very soon my previous blog will be deleted but it will still be kept in my memories. Maybe I could save some of the entries and add to my collection of letters and memorable items. BTW my previous blog address is www.happyfriend.blogspot.com.

I guess life does not always go the way we want it to... As humans we are sometimes overwhelmed by emotions be it, joy, depression, sadness, anger but just try to learn from each new experience. I hope as I start a new chapter in my life, be it work or play or studies i will harness my strength from God, cause it is in him I find myself strong.

# posted by Jolyn | 10:52 PM | 0 comments