Yesterday morning was sunday. Although i was sick i still sat up in bed and thought of going church. Then I thought about my cell group... How sometimes i feel tired to see them and try to think of excuses why i cannot come for so long. why i have been missing in action... 90 percent of the time they are not excuses , but its tiring to say them and i guess its tiring for them too...
Now that i think about it I am actually not a very strong christian after all.. i sort of forgot the feeling of it also... Maybe my presence there will only hinder them to go towards their great aim, towars greater world missions and evangelism. i I think they dun need a luke warm and sometimes not sure of own faith christian...That was a main reason why i never got baptised , cause i know a time like this would come when i really question my faith. maybe it could not go thru the test of time...Maybe i am not a good person . i dun have that feel... I never had the feel of lifting my hands up when worshipping god... i seem so numb and immune to things around me.. I have become so hard hearted, so inhumane. I seemed to have swallowed any displeasure , any sadness any bitterness i see and just treat it as normal...
Is this the life i want... I think i am still very confused about this life of mine...
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