Pass few days have been really busy with my work... Yesterday I was put in charge of 12 patients. It came as a surprise cause one of my colleagues took a MC. I can confidently say i have not reached the stage at which I can take 12 patients. At times I wanted to break down and just leave all my stuff and run to the toilet to run away from the things happening around me. Passed my report without writing a word of report. In the end jolene wrote all the reports for me... i could just feel so helpless, so ignorant... always needing ppl to help me... why am i so useless. The harder i try the harder i feel it is to my goal...
I feel bad cause i passed my colleague which is of the same batch alot of rubbish... making her stressed too. I really have alot to improve... I know it myself... At the end of the day i told my sister (nurse manager) that I really really needed to have a break cause i have been so tired and unmotivated recently. She granted me one day break on monday, so today tomorrow and monday is my break before i start my night shift on tuesday.
After work i felt so dazed and hypo... I really almost wanted to faint from the lack of sugar going to my brain. Then me and jolene decided to go to the hawker centre next to chinatown to eat. On the way another sister was also walking to the mrt... so she was talking all the way, but i felt soo tired and dazed i just walked in front leaving the 2 of them behind. i finally regained back some of my energy after eating the clay pot rice, wu xiang, sugar cane juice and chocolate ice kachang. And i really had a good time with jolene. I find she is a really special friend that was brought into my life, like an angel... cause her nature touches my heart...
Then this thought formed in my head. I think i lose hope in myself...
Today I spend half off the day slacking and lazing at home. I am currently watching this show called "One litre of tears"... Its really nice and meaningful, which makes me remember that in life there are ppl struggling to live yet i get depressed by small mundane things (i think i take things way too seriously). I feel like buying that jap drama... its those shows i dun mind buying, just like Da Chang Jin...
I met up with Angelina and we went to Vivo city... Today she was really tired but she still took the effort to come out for me... I brought her to the really nice food outlet called Food Republic. We both ate bak kut teh and roti prata... Then we went out to a open space outside the shopping centre which is facing the sea and took pictures, then was just sitting at the bench looking at the sea and talking when i suddenly spotted a friend of mine from poly. She was Zhang Jin and she was with her boyfriend... hehe. Anyway it was great seeing her... I miss our times in school... but thats a thing of the past. Life still goes on.
When i went back to angelina she was listening to her Ipod so i just requested to borrow her handphone cause i spilled carrot juice on my handphone (remember), so its spoiled and i am going to buy one soon... cause i needed to call jolene whether she wanted to go to the wake of my friend's aunty which also happened to be our patient under our care. When my friend (Aces) found out it was me taking care of her aunty she said i must be an angel... sent from god... Although i feel very much human i know what she means. Just like Jolene is a angel to me in my dark period. So anyways Aces will bring me and Jolene for the wake tomorrow. When i was using angelina's handphone I scrolled down and saw his number (the one i used to like). I had the very strong urge to press dial but i restrained myself.
I really felt like singing k box but angelina was sick so we went back after walking around vivocity for a while... I realised me and angelina really have more or less the same taste in food. And we love going shopping together...
I better get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day. I will be going to church AND CELL (finally). Wonder whether everyone has forgotten me. haha...and in the evening going for my patient's wake... hehe... This is the first time i go for a patient's wake...TAta!!!
A random thought just came into my head... I miss the times me and my poly mates were outside the lecture theatres discussing project and we would buy drinks from the vending machines nearby. Me and jenny would always buy peach tea... I really miss those times. Or after taekwondo sessions I would walk back with lok, tuna and maya and we would also buy drinks from that vending machine...
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