Have u ever thought that depressing thoughts always stem from u urself. They coome to u cause u make them enter ur small tiny brain... This is a message to myself... Cause sometimes i will feel very depressing thoughts as any one of us.... I seriously dunno why it happens also... it just comes and goes... Yesterday was one of the lousiest days for me.... my favorite patient died after waving good morning to me so cheerfully, i was put in charge, I am sooo blur about in charge work until sometimes i practically have to go about it asking ppl around me, and ppl usually dun give u a very pleasant face when they are stressed up and busy, sometimes they will say sarcastic remarks, but u got to do it if u want to get ur work done. Yesterday i passed a very lousy report to the next shift and they were all black face with me and said if u dunno u got to open up ur mouth and ask... Haiz.. i also dunno what they want with me... when i ask they get irritated, when i dun ask they get black face... so i decided life is sometimes like that... maybe i got to change myself... i think i have been too soft spoken until sometimes i feel invisible and not heard... yesterday i kept on telling ppl sorry when i made mistakes . Its a really lousy feeling... So I dun want to use the word "Sorry " anymore cause it carries no more meaning for me...
Sometimes u just dislike urself too much until u want to tortur urself with these thoughts... thats why i said it comes from urself. I remember someone told me its very important to love myself... And I found out its the worst feeling to have so to cry about but no tears will come out...
Anyways that was yesterday... I told myself not to bring that depressing feeling to the next day...Today I decided to spend some time with myself though I dunno what exactly that means to do... But i think i need it...
I want to change myself ... I think i need to do it now. but dun worry, i will still be jolyn...
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