Wednesday, August 23 IDLE>The past 2 days have been a rather revitalising time for me... I have spent the last 2 days doing what I have never done for a long long time... Laze around and slack at home... Sounds boring to other but i find it really entertaining... Spending the time on what i want to do but never get to do like just sit endless hours in front of a box called the tv.... I am such a tv holic... reading up on any type of books besides nursing or medical books, surfing the net, playing computer games, taking a jog in the park...
Actually come to think of it... i find my life rather mundane and boring... Is it just me or is life generally just sianz and boring... Oh gosh I am just 20 years old and i am feeling like that. What has this world turned me into... I think after my probation when i sort of settle down I want to take up some other activities... Though I have not really thought of what to take up. Taekwondo? Kick boxing? Yoga ? Learn to play an instrument? go for driving classes? continue my knitting? Join the church choir ( a bit hard since its on every sunday). i really dun want to be another typical singaporean that hangs the phrase "No life" by my mouth... I want to have a life ... and a fulfilling one...
Shit... Tomorrow morning will have to go back to nyp library before work to renew some books. Haiz... thought i could sleep for a longer period...
OFF DAY>Today is my off day and I am recovering from my flu.. Later will be going to chinatown to eat korean food with my mum and brother... i really seldom get the chance to go out with them nowadays... so really happy. Just now I just got a call from my mentor and we talked for a while... Its really nice to talk to someone senior sometimes.
Yesterday I was telling my brother that I find it harder to save money when I am working then when i was studying... Its really true.. transport and food take up a huge sum of money... Sometimes (though I try not to most of the time) I will take a cab to work... Haiz.. I got to stop that bad habit of mine... To try to wake up on time... When I start work have to pay bills here and there in the house, give money to my parents... I guess I am better than other cause I am not married or have kids or anything... But i sorta get it why singaporeans are so money faced sometimes...
I dun know what I want to do after 3 years but i know now is like a training ground for me... stretching to a limit i never knew i had... Everyday is a battle for me... I feel. But hopefully i can overcome it one day.
Sunday, August 20 SCARY MOVIE>Its a beautiful saturday morning and I will be going to work later... This morning did not really wake up in good spirits... I was kinda freaked out by a show I watched yesterday with Verna... its called "Ghost Game". I dunno whether my threshhold for scary movies has dropped drastically or if its really very scary but the show really freaked me out. Its about a group of 11 people who take part in a reality show to win a million dollar prize... then the task is to spend a week in a former torure prison and chamber for prisoners of war to see who has the guts to hang in there the longest. Little do they know the place is really haunted...
I think I will stay away from horror flicks for the time being...
Anyways after the show yesterday, we met up with angelina and went to a place called Miss U Cafe to eat our dinner. We stayed there until around 11.45 and after that me and verna rushed to take the last bus home. # posted by Jolyn |
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Thursday, August 17 FEELING SICK>Now I sorta have the feeling like I am going to fall sick soon... The whole day it seems as if I got a bit of sore throat and hot is air is flowing through my nose... I just feel so fatigued though I did not do much... Actually I did do alot... Today went for training the whole day but almost dosed off halfway at the beginning of the lesson... I think the 3 days was very useful for me and I felt that I learnt a bit more about cancer nursing but that does not mean I am an expert...
Today someone asked a question... Do u have any goal in your life.... Do you know what u want to be, where u want to be for the next five years... Then it sort of triggered me to think and I realise I really dunno what I want to do with my life... Should I get a goal in life... I feel that currently I am just letting each day pass by without setting a goal... People who set goals are usually very successful... i think.
Wednesday, August 16 GOOD DAYS>Today was a pretty good day, one with less troubles and stresses, cause I am going for my 3 days course on cancer nursing... Today is day 2... Its just like being back to my good old school days... Today we learnt about the different types of drugs we use for cancer patients, chemotherapy, what to do if chemotherapy drugs that suppose to be in the vein seep into the tissues, and wehat to do in case of chemo spillage. Its actually one of the only days in which we can go for full breaks on time with ur friends... My friend was telling me if she was given a chance to go back to school again she would go for every lesson cause school is really much more relaxing compared to work life...
Tomorrow will be the last day of our course and after that I will be meeting up with Chan, Alina and Jacq at PS after work to watch the show "Click"...
Monday, August 14 >Today is one of the rare days I can come back home early (around 1030)... Work today was quite good... I managed to go for a full break for the first time...
This morning went to church for the morning service... After that me, chui li , Yung, Waldy and pei Lee had our first prayer meeting... I really pray that all will go well... Anyways I could only stay for a while and after that have to take the express bus to sgh... The rest of my cell had some sort of farewell party for one of our members who are going overseas to study...so it was kinda frustrating that I had to drag myself to work and not join them for the party... But i guess i am sort of used to it already... The feeling of going back to work on a sunday... Taking the bus alone to work... Even on sundays the kopitiam in the hospital has less ppl... I guess in this life of ours, u got to live life and fight thru it very much alone... I really miss my student days in which we would have attachment in big groups... I guess i just like a good company... haha
The next 3 days I am on Training leave for some sort of Induction programme for Oncology Nursing... i guesss its a good break from normal ward work... which is pretty tiring... My next off day is on friday... Going out with Angelina and Verna in the evening to a place called Miss U Cafe.
Sunday, August 13 PEACE, JOY, LOVE>Today i feel very much at peace with myself... i was thinking how nice if everyone could be happy and contented so i started praying for the people around me, hoping that they are content with there lives and living their lives as fulfilling as possible... I was thinking about the person i used to like. Hopefully he is happy too...
The past week has not been too good for me . I really think I went thru alot and sometimes i feel i cannot take it already... Then i think about all my friends.,... They are probably going thru the same thing as me... but I have faith they will all emerge strong in it... so i must have faith in myself too, no matter how bleak everything seems... It might seem like my troubles are unique to me sometimes. I might wallow in self pity. But this is LIFE... we can't dodge at the troubles life throws our way but we can learn to counter it...
Friday, August 11 A Fragile Stone (Our Daily Bread passage for today)>When writing on the life of Simon Peter, songwriter and author Michael Card described the apostle as "a fragile stone." It is a term filled with contrast, yet one that aptly describes Peter.
Throughout Peter's life, we see this contrast lived out as he displayed moments of courage followed by spiritual failure. After his declaration of Christ as the Son of God, Jesus said to him, “I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it" (Matthew 16:18). A rock. A stone. Peter, whose name means "a small stone," proved to be fragile when he tried to dissuade Jesus from going to the cross, and when he denied Him three times after His arrest.
Peter, the "fragile stone," reminds us that no amount of personal strength or talent can make us adequate for this life and its challenges. Only as we rest in the strength of Christ will we find His provision. When we acknowledge our frailty and dependence on Him, Christ's strength can empower us for the troubles life throws our way.
Like Peter, we are all "fragile stones." How grateful we can be for His strength that is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
God uses weakness to revealHis great sufficiency; So if we let Him work through us, His power we will see. - Sper Only when we acknowledge our weakness can we be strong in the Lord.
Peter answered and said, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."- Matthew 16:16 # posted by Jolyn |
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Thursday, August 10 SUSTAINED IN SILENCE (Our Daily Bread Passage)>Hudson Taylor (1832-1905) was the founder of the China Inland Mission and a great servant of God. But after the ferocious Boxer Rebellion of 1900, in which hundreds of his fellow missionaries were killed, Taylor was emotionally devastated and his health began to fail. Nearing the end of life’s journey, he wrote, “I am so weak that I cannot work. I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in God's arms like a child and trust."
Have you been passing through a time when you are tired of body and sick of heart? Do you find it difficult to focus your mind on biblical promises? Has it become hard for you to pray? Don't write yourself off as a spiritual castaway. You are joining a host of God's people who have experienced the dark night of the soul.
When we endure such times, all we can do - indeed, all we need do - is lie still like a child in the arms of our heavenly Father. Words aren't necessary. A comforting father doesn't expect his child to make speeches. Neither does God. He knows we need His soothing care. In times of trouble, His mercy holds us up (Psalm 94:18). We may trust Him to carry us through that dark night of the soul and on into the dawning light.
When we have nothing left but God, we’ll find that God is enough.
In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. —Psalm 94:19
I am sorry ... to myself cause i feel i have been really wallowing in self pity the past few days, dragging myself down deep into the pits... can i really retain that child like me... can i just be me... Can i just lie in the arms of God and cast all my cares of him...
NaTIONAL DAY>Year after year national day loses its meaning to me... There was once that i would be looking forward to national days... i Loved to sing national songs, and I loved the atmosphere at the ndp... but watching it on tv is totally not my cup of tea... i rather watch some others shows or just catch the more exciting parts such as the singing or the fireworks. I remember the fist time I watched a national day parade live was in 1997 when i was in primary 5. That was also the year i came to singapore... It was the best thing I had ever seen... That year was also the first time I went thru chinese new year and christmas and recived christmas presents... What i used to look forward to has become just something that is practised every year as time passes... # posted by Jolyn |
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Wednesday, August 9 >Have u ever thought that depressing thoughts always stem from u urself. They coome to u cause u make them enter ur small tiny brain... This is a message to myself... Cause sometimes i will feel very depressing thoughts as any one of us.... I seriously dunno why it happens also... it just comes and goes... Yesterday was one of the lousiest days for me.... my favorite patient died after waving good morning to me so cheerfully, i was put in charge, I am sooo blur about in charge work until sometimes i practically have to go about it asking ppl around me, and ppl usually dun give u a very pleasant face when they are stressed up and busy, sometimes they will say sarcastic remarks, but u got to do it if u want to get ur work done. Yesterday i passed a very lousy report to the next shift and they were all black face with me and said if u dunno u got to open up ur mouth and ask... Haiz.. i also dunno what they want with me... when i ask they get irritated, when i dun ask they get black face... so i decided life is sometimes like that... maybe i got to change myself... i think i have been too soft spoken until sometimes i feel invisible and not heard... yesterday i kept on telling ppl sorry when i made mistakes . Its a really lousy feeling... So I dun want to use the word "Sorry " anymore cause it carries no more meaning for me...
Sometimes u just dislike urself too much until u want to tortur urself with these thoughts... thats why i said it comes from urself. I remember someone told me its very important to love myself... And I found out its the worst feeling to have so to cry about but no tears will come out...
Anyways that was yesterday... I told myself not to bring that depressing feeling to the next day...Today I decided to spend some time with myself though I dunno what exactly that means to do... But i think i need it...
I want to change myself ... I think i need to do it now. but dun worry, i will still be jolyn...
Tuesday, August 8 IS THIS MY LIFE>When i start my working life... i try my best, use up a heck lot of mental physical energy, look forward to off days to plan things such as going out with friends... No more time can be squeezed to go church or other places sometimes... Though I really want to go and take up courses or do something exciting but i seldom find the energy or time... Then i start to think , is this my life... I really want to make my life more interesting, cause if 3/4 of it goes to work sometimes u tend to feel a bit empty when u find out the remaining time has to go to rest or the teensy witsy time to go out.... No wonder they say sometimes working life sucks... its like having no life... or maybe i need to really get used to it... i could say i am still pretty new so maybe time managemnt is not too good??? But now I am experiencing a bit of monday blues cause i just had a really good off day yesterday... went to church, had a really good fellowship with my cell... watched the lake house in the evening.... Its so romantic... aww... feel reluctant to go back to the reality world again today... Yesterday i signed up for a course on "personal Holiness in times of Temptation" Its on a friday night and saturday afternoon... Why would I want to go for courses on a off day... Dunno also... Sometimes i dunno what i want to do with my life... Just want to get enlightenment maybe. Thank God National Day i am off... Probably going out with my cell group somewhere in singapore.
Sunday, August 6 LEARNING>Today I was in charge of 5 patients... and I feel it was a okok experience and that I learnt alot. From the different sort of medications to porta cath dressing to withdrawing blood from porta cath needle... Today i was with my preceptor... Though I admit sometimes she can be really naggy but i feel i really can learn alot of things from her... I used to be very stressed whenever I am with her cause she always has something to comment no matter whether i did a good job or not... But i think under her I will make a better nurse... And there was also another senior staff nurse, though she likes to scold ppl but sometimes i think she talks sense... so I will change if i feel I need to (I mean change my bad habits)... Probably this is the process of maturing slowly.
On the way home I met up with Kavi. It was not planned. i just bumped into him at the bus interchange when we were both queing for buses.... its nice to see a old friend after a long time!
Tomorrow will be going for church and maybe go out with my cell for lunch after that... Then will be going out with Angelina to watch "The lake House" which was actually supposed to be last week but she was sick so we are changing it to tomorrow.... I really really want to watch the show. hehe
~ Me ~
Name; Jolyn Choo
Age: 19 years
Birthday: December 30
School: Nanyang Poly SHS Nursing Year 3
Place of Work: SGH
CCA: NYP TKd, Geo Council, CSC
~ Loves ~
- rainbows
- smiles on ppl's faces
- food!
- surprises!
- letters
- watching stars at night
- lilies
- tv
~ Loathes ~
- cockroaches
- heights
- backstabbers
- boredom (nothing to do)
~ Wishlist ~
- to be a great nurse
- to have a happy and healthy family
- to be contented and be able to enjoy simple pleasures of life
- to see a rainbow
- lots of food everyday
- to save more money to buy clothes
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