Saturday, May 27 >Hello, its been a while since i last blogged and its already 3 weeks into the holidays... they are reallypassing fast, but very fruitfully. Yesterday I just came back from bangkok for my holidays. It was really nice and I am planning to go there again. Maybe go Angelina next year... I think though i never said itoutwardly she is one of my closest friends. Friends that can sit next to each other w/o speaking but still feel comforted by each others presence. Not everyone is this sort of friend but they are my true friends.
In life whats meant to be yours will be your and whats not meant for u will never be urs... Some times u know its meant to be urs but u refuse to admit it... trying to avoid it... but in the end it still comes back to u ... on the other hand certain aspects in my life i have been holding on really tightly not willing to let go... It just seems no matter how hard i try , whats not meant to be mine will not be mine so i decided to let go of it... maybe in the end i will be happier... I know sometimes in sucky cause u dun always get what u want.
Sunday, May 14 >Today I had a pretty fun time with my cell group for the outing although i was pretty tired, considering that I came back from malaysia last night around 9. Met Pei Li, the 2 Samuels, henry, Yung and Chui Li at bedok before proceeding to Jing Min's house which was near Jurong to meet up with the rest ... Actually our initial plan was to play games at the Botanic Gardens, however it started raining so we ended up playing board games at her house. We also planned to cook dinner for the evening which was not something I was prepared for... So while half of the group went down to buy groceries, the rest of us went to Botanic Gardens when it had stopped drizzling. Its actually my first time going to Botanic Gardens so I was quite fascinated. The air there is just sooo fresh and I am so happy being surrounded by all the greeneries. I am breathing such fresh air and its such a blessing!!! We walked around the swan lake and I saw a swan (although it was black with a red beak), and lots of cute turtles... I just love nature...
When we went back we started cooking our dinner. Me and Pei Li were in charge of making the salad in which we added lettuce, cherry tomatoes, grapes, cut apples, hard boiled eggs and lots of mayonaise. It was quite a success... And one of the guys made the main course dish which was spaghetti. Esther made chicken wings and potato pie. Evelyn cooked Campbell soup.Actually sometimes in occasions like these I am sort of ashamed that my cooking is actually not really that good... My mother always wanted to teach me yet i am not interested, yet compared to alot of ppl my age, my cooking is considered better than theirs... I think I should practice more cooking. Its actually pretty fun. The time of sitting down together to have dinner was nice... But sometimes I feel I am not the very sociable type especially when it comes to big groups... I dun really have the gift of the gab and am not very good at projecting my voice. I prefer talking to a few ppl, but having meaningful deep conversations...
After that we had a memory verse quiz in which our girls team won with a score of 21-13 so we were given prizes and a tub of teh tarik ice cream which rox... This outing has made me get to know my cell group members a little bit better though sometimes I still feel distant from them .
Tuesday, May 9 Picture taken on last day of attachment!> Me and a bunch of year 2s... had to wear this really crumpled shirt and pants for the infection control exercise!
>Last night had a really nice and long sleep. Something that I haven't been getting for a while. When I wake up suddenly the world seems brighter ... hehe... cause i woke up in good spirits. Usually when my body does not get enough rest I either turn out superbly blur until sometimes I cannot tahan myself, superbly cranky or superbly PMS mood day (superbly black face). I often envy those who after a few hours of sleep can still come the next day all chirpy and cheery.
Really excited about the malaysia trip tomorrow though there was some conflict. I guess I offended someone... though i would rather directly offend someone rather than back stab the person... Errrm... i guess both are just are bad. Though these are the ways of the world. Its hard not to pick up these habits. I know my sis said its more common to back stab someone than to directly confront and i should get used to it... But I still want to hang on to my naive thinking that if u are unhappy should say it out ... though I got to learn to say it assertively and not confrontationally... So I think the art of assertiveness is of most impt to survive in this world...
Monday, May 8 END OF STUDENT LIFE THOUGHTS>Its only when u go thru struggles that u really treasure holidays or breaks. This is exactly how I feel... Now as my holidays start. And could possibly be the last holiday I take before I step into the working world of adults. What I learnt in this 6 weeks of attachment/work has been tough, stressful, frustrating at times, joyful at times and made me mature a whole deal greater. Though I still look the same on the outside I feel I have learnt to be more understanding, positive in a way, light hearted. Its because I experienced and saw the vulnerabilities of life in cancer ward that I really find sometimes the things we hold so impt in our life like failures and trials are actually no big deal. Its just how we deal with them which is impt. Whatever it is, in our line as someone who wants to learn and improve herself must sometimes swallow the humble pie and swallow in ur troubles and show a smile on ur face even when u get scolded. (off course this is from a case to case basis). I think the most impt thing I learnt (which is something i learnt from my clinical instructor) is sometimes things are bound to cock up for u, but the most impt thing is u have to learn from it and take it as a positive experience. Only then can u survive in the working world (no matter what sort of job). And this concludes the end of my attachment thoughts and end of student life as i go into a new chapter. I know it will be even more tough but i pray i will be strong.
Sunday, May 7 >Congratulations to me... I think I can diagnose myself with flu (hopefully not chicken flu). I have been sneezing, coughing and getting toones of mucus flooding my poor nose... Good thing it never really affected my outing with chan, jenny and alina they all... Today we went to PS to eat Thai Express. The food is really good and i had the green curry which is sweet and tasty... Anyways I think its because of this flu thing i just feel very tired... Maybe cause my immunity level has been low and i have not been taking enough water or vitamin C... God Bless Me!!! # posted by Jolyn |
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Saturday, May 6 >Today was quite a memorable day for a last day. Reason being our ward is involved in the infection case exercise. I think its called "SparrowHawk Exercise" . We have to make it seem as if some infectious disease eg. Avian Flu or SARS has attacked the ward and we are under code orange. So today we had to change into shirt and pants the hospital supplied us... Wear a N95 mask wherever we went in the ward... When entering the cubicle had to wear a cap and a full yellow gown (the big bulky type they wear during SARS) and change gloves between each new patient. So its quite frustrating to check on the patients and go in w/o my charts and before going out change out of my gown... However whatever I felt I will take it positively cause it was a learning experience for me. There were auditors around making sure we adhered to the practice and went around asking random staff questions. on infection control procedures. Overall its a experience that will not be forgotten. # posted by Jolyn |
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Friday, May 5 >Finally tomorrow will be the last day of attachment. My feelings would be happy yet sad... happy cause I finally get a long awaited break... I really need it. I long to go somewhere peaceful with ppl who are close to me... So i told jenny to plan our malaysia trip cause recently got no spirit to think much about the trip. We planning to go mallaca and KL. I really need some peace and quiet to get away from all the hustle and bustle of life... Sad cause tomorrow most probably will be the last time I will be wearing the student nurse uniform which I am so used to... Much more will be expected from me. I just got my green colour staff nurse uniform last week. Just feels weird for it to be hanging in my cupboard... This is something I wanted to be for the pass 3 years minus the overwhelmisng responsibility, stress and sometimes burnout syndrome...
I know recently my posts can seem quite depressing sometimes... thats just how i feel at that point in time and i see no reason for hiding it...
Thursday, May 4 >My sis just told me her father in law was diagnosed with 4th stage lung cancer. It was sort of surprising cause all along he was very healthy and does not smoke... Though I feel a bit sympathethic... I am not totally sad, maybe due to the fact that I see people dying everyday. When I first entered cancer ward, I thought I would be strong enough to take all of this. I guess I am strong to a certain extent but somehow I feel this strongness makes me less humane... Its not that I dun want to show my feelings or cry when i see someone pass away but I have been trained in that way ... I have been telling myself to be stronger on top of being stronger... until sometimes I just feel so cold like a robot... I really want to be back to my humane state... cause i am dealing with humans and all humans have feelings...
Today I was thinking of something. I just think I should get sick , like flu or fever... cause i feel sometimes i work in the wards and forget that I am dealing with sick ppl. I forget how its like to be sick sometimes. That u feel really helpless and are so reliant on those around u... Anyways I just want God to melt my heart and make me feel my passion and warmth again...
~ Me ~
Name; Jolyn Choo
Age: 19 years
Birthday: December 30
School: Nanyang Poly SHS Nursing Year 3
Place of Work: SGH
CCA: NYP TKd, Geo Council, CSC
~ Loves ~
- rainbows
- smiles on ppl's faces
- food!
- surprises!
- letters
- watching stars at night
- lilies
- tv
~ Loathes ~
- cockroaches
- heights
- backstabbers
- boredom (nothing to do)
~ Wishlist ~
- to be a great nurse
- to have a happy and healthy family
- to be contented and be able to enjoy simple pleasures of life
- to see a rainbow
- lots of food everyday
- to save more money to buy clothes
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