Dunno why I suddenly feel so moody... I really dunno wat the heck is wrong with me but suddenly everything does not seem right... I dun even want to be beside ppl. I just want to be in a place in which there is me, me and me again... Haiz... I think I have some mental problem or wat...
I really try very hard to be wat I am now... i try to be more sociable. I try to be more outgoing, be cheerful , be a good listening ear to those around me. But now I feel so tired, I really dun feel like trying anymore... I think I have really changed alot since I came back from china. I used to be so quiet and hardly talked. I did not like to make friends, neither did i smile much . My auntie and father used to call me dumb and slow. The darkest time in my life was when I was in china. I was always changing schools at that time and my parents were always quarreling and my dad was always drinking heavily... Things got better when I came back to singapore with my mum. But I really took a long time to adapt back to the system back here... Then my aunt gave me tuition but every week she would always scold me and complain to my mum how stupid and slow I was... Until sometimes I think maybe I am so... That time I really wanted to erase myself from the face of this earth, so I became more and more antisocial... Somehow i think being someone quiet and weird, ppl dun really accept u.... so i really tried very hard to be someone cheerful, outgoing and friendly. But sometimes I feel so tired. Is it because its not really the real me... What is the real me... is my real face someone hideous... So hideous that it should be hidden from anyone. Sometimes I find the old me coming back to me...
Sometimes i feel so tired to try to uplift myself all the time and try to encourage myself... Sometimes after a hard day at work and comig back I feel so lonely to come back to empty house. I dun want to show anyone how upset I am cause I dun want to show my vulnerable side. Will others say i am weak, too weak to survivie in this world... I am really tired...
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