Its late at night but I am thinking of something... something of the past but i suddenly just thought of it ...
I was thinking of one of my friends in secondary school whom I was quite close to... I think the first time i saw him was in the canteen when i was just sitting on the benches (actually got reason for sitting there... hehe) waiting for the school bell to ring. He was a guy sitting across me and a there were few other of my friends around such as Kavi and roslinda. So i decided to make friends with him and we clicked quite well and soon became good friends. And we sorta formed a group in which we would spend recesses and eat breakfast together. Me and that guy even became pen pals and would write to each other even though we saw each other every other day and kavi would always be the letter boy (poor kavi)... hehe. It was really nice having him as a friend. And when we went home sometimes we would call each other and both of us would sometimes go running around the reservoir together... I think we could be considered good pals in which we could confide anything in. Once he even drew me and gave the picture to me . During valentines day he gave me a pink cloth perfumed flower (which i still have btw. but not so sweet smelling anymore) as a gift. My friend told me he liked me but i didn't really believe.
After I graduated we would sometimes call each other but that was pretty much all and a few times he dropped by my work place. Then we did not contact each other until the christmas when i was in yr 1. I messaged him during christmas and he asked me to be his girlfriend. But then i said no cause i really dun have that sort of feeling for him and never thought of him that way. After that I seldom contacted him cause everytime i did he would ask me the same question and i would feel very guilty but at least i gave him a direct answer (dunno whether its better to be soft hearted or hard hearted in this sort of things). He told me after army if i was still unattached he would then willingly be my boyfriend. I just told him I would treat it like he did not say anything. And that was the last time I messaged him. (i really feel mean...)
Yesterday, i found out he just got attached recently and I feel happy for him. Now when i see the cloth flower i dun have to feel so bad about it cause i know he got what he wanted ... someone who would treasure him for who he is. For me I chose to treasure him as a friend. Can say its my loss since he was such a nice person. To accept someone cause i dun want to hurt them or because i really like the person is two different things. What is it to like someone, sometimes the meaning or the feeling is so ill defined... Anyways i dun think i will get any answers thinking about it. But i am thankful that the person liked me for who I am though I did not give him the answer he wanted. But then I feel I did the right thing (cause the feeling just wasn't right... dunno how to explain). In my heart i wish him eternal happiness with the one he loves... (i feel so cheesy until my goose bumps are coming out).
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home